my spirit animal

A rather surrealistic conversation with my kiddo:

Kiddo (K): ma, what's your spiritual animal?
Mom (M): dragon
K: nope, I mean a real animal, not a mythical one.
M: dragon.
K: MAA... a real one.
M: well, dragons are real to me. But if you insist, it's scorpion, then.
K: ma, why do your animals have to be the mean ones?
M: 'coz I like to be deadly, rather than cute.
K: why?
M; dun know. Just like it. Deadly.
K; ooohhkaaaayy..... (sighing under her breath), any other animal comes to your mind?
M:...mhhm...wolf.
K: ma??!
M: well, wolf is cute, fluffy... and deadly. *grinning
K: *silent

on fairies and faith

one time, my youngest daughter asked me:
"are fairies for real, mom?"
i then looked into her eyes, into those round pools of innocence, untainted yet by the scars and wound of growing up, and saw hope and belief there.
i told her, in the nicest voice i could muster:
"they are real as you believe they are. they would be there as you believe they'd be there."

was i lying to my child?
i believe i was not.

faith is something you believe that gives you hope.

for my youngest daughter, now 8, fairies are the sources of all the good things in life.
they are the sources of her smile at night, the sources of the safety that she feels.
should i destroy that?
i don't think so.

there will be time she'd come to know the more complicated work of the world
but as for now, i'd just let her belief in fairies.

and who knows, perhaps they are for real.
we just could not see and feel them because we have ceased to have faith in them.

realization smacking you in the face

sebuah percakapan di malam hari:

+ dek, cermin ini bikin orang jadi lebar ya?
- engga ma. klo pinggirannya iya.
+ ah masak? kok mama jadi ndut banget gitu? emang mama kayak gitu?
- lah, mama emang begitu.
+ ah? coba kamu sini dek, berdiri deket mama.
(mama berdiri dengan si adek di sampingnya. tidak tampak ada 'efek khusus' dengan bayangan adek di cermin)
+ hm...
+ jadi mama emang gendut begitu ya dek?
- ya iya sih. tapi aku seneng mama begitu. asal jangan makin ajah.
+ .....

djegardah

sunny afternoon, 
in a city full of dust. 
wonder how they dance, 
those people suffocating with dirt? 

(sore cerah di jakarta, april 23 tahun 2013)

a room between your heartbeats

there's a room
between your heartbeats
where my soul resides
and as you die
it dies

(thinking so deeply about my dearest hubby)
(Jakarta, in my own space and time, AD 2013 on the twenty-third day of April)