emang dasar niat gampang luntur

begitulah saya
janjinya mo nulis tiap hari
hm

janjinya ditawar jadi nulis seminggu dua kali
hm

ditawar lagi jadi seminggu sekali
hm?

dan kenyataannya hanya nulis klo mood ajah

sebetulnya
nulis itu terapi juga
ya, sesi curhat pribadi lah
tanpa audiens yang jelas

sukur ada yang baca
(MAUnya ada yang baca)
engga juga gapapa
(gapapa itu klo hati saya lagi damai)

begitulah saya

on being twins

apa rasanya jadi anak kembar dua (twins)?
berbagi tempat di dunia dengan seorang lainnya bahkan sebelum lahir?
dan hampir selalu ada saja yang bertanya 'kembar ya'?
dan selalu dianggap hanya separo dari suatu pasangan?

anak2 kembarku berusia 11 tahun hari ini.
menuruti saran dari buku2 (dan menuruti perasaan hatiku juga)
aku mengarahkan mereka menjadi dua individu yang berbeda:
tidak ada baju kembar, kecuali seragam
tidak ada sepatu kembar (oke  - kebetulan sepatu mereka kembar yg sekarang ini)
tidak ada piring, alat makan, alat tulis, kembar
mereka adalah 2 anak yang kebetulan berbagi rahim

hasilnya?
pada ulang tahun ke-11 ini, dan seperti ulang tahun sebelum ini
aku terpaksa membeli 2 kue yang berbeda
satu untuk tiap individu unik itu
hanya sekali pernah mereka berbagi kue,
saat merayakan ulang tahun ke-5 di TK

on being parent of twins

rasanya? tak terkatakan
unik. spesial. senang.
menjadi sekian persen orangtua yang berbeda dari yang lain.

repot setengah mati waktu masih menyusui
cape luar biasa waktu masih batita
senang saat mereka sudah mulai mandiri
dan bersukur karena mereka anak2 yang sehat
dan bahagia *semoga selalu bahagia

the death of us

this would not be an easy topic to read, nor to write
death is something that most living people would rather not talk about, pretending that it would happen long time from now, definitely not today, and not tomorrow either.

a fatal aviation accident, and some comments regarding those who 'survived', have prompted me to write this. one article put an article titled 'miracle does not come twice' on someone who 'survived' an accident years ago but 'failed' to 'survive' this one.
'survived' here means fate had it that those people were spared the journey and thus the death

when people 'survived' while others did not, those who were spared said it was a miracle, or being so lucky, and were thankful for it. i was thinking of those who were not spared, who were seen as if they were handed down with bad luck.

those who believe in God should never think that way.
God has our life's master plan and God alone knows how and when we die. so those spared was not spared. it was simply not their time yet.

we will get there someday, with way we cannot predict. it's not good luck, it's not bad luck. it's simply that our time has come.

live, reader, while you're still living!

knock knock

someone is knocking on my door today
asking how am I doing
am doing quite well, actually

today things started quite the same
though not absolutely the same
it was quite an early start
with one of the girls off to her trip
before we were all awaken today

then the routine began
of waking the girls up
of the little quarrel before bathtime
of the constant 'it's so and so hour, you must hurrry'

and off we went
me with the driver, sending the girls to school
which was not exactly routine
routine would be
the daddy taking all the gals to school
mommy with driver to office

so, yeah
i'm quite okay

whoa, warped time!

uh oh, my last posting was march 9.
that was like more than a month ago.
where have I been?
no where. just here. but no here either.

see how time flies without we noticing it? like USS Enterprise in warped speed.
i looked at my diary today. so many empty pages.
scarry.

did I not do something? feel something? gain something? lose something?
so why the empty pages?
is this simply laziness to write, or daily live has lost its significance?

what happens to enjoy life to the fullest; carpe diem; life is too short, why bother?
what happens to those sparks in my mind that i used to have; those slivers of rainbow; those funny/weird/simple ideas that used to pops up?

or in this journey we call life, are we so used to warped speed that everything just goes by?
journey is not something that we enjoy in itself, and only the destination is important?

should not be like that.

i need to slow down and look at the scenery as they go pass my window again.
and to fill those pages.

not one day is trully empty.

live. love. laugh!