Bored to death. Oh no, God forbid.
But let me ask you this, in this whole life of yours, have you not feel bored at least once?
What caused it, may I ask?
If you see your days, not one day is identical to the other, not one of them. Not one hour is identical to the other, not once second is the same as the other. So how come we become bored?
Perhaps it is because we fail to see the uniqueness of our time, each one of it, in this life. Not one moment is the same as the other, even when you feel a deja-vu. We lost our sense, doing the 'same' thing again annd again, day in and day out: waking up in the morning, preparing ourselves for work, commuting, doing our daily tasks, go home in the evening, tending to the family, going to sleep, waking up in the morning, preparing ourselves for work...and so the circle entraps us.
Just stop for a second and look at things: how they are never actually the same. You woke up this morning not the same you who woke up in the morning yesterday. Believe me in that. No matter how small the change, you change, your life change. Your hair grow, your nail grow, you become older - that is the least of the changes you experience as you go on living.
And take your work. You may got bored of it, and that's only natural. The same office, the same desk, the same paperwork, the same boss, the same colleagues, the same ole heaps of problems, the same paycheck that doesn't seem to be ever enough, the same things day in day out for year and year.
It is not.
Try... dear friends. Try and find those little things that are not the same. They are there in front of you, in your surroundings. You just have to see it.
Your life if unique every day. Your seconds is unique in each one of them.
You may feel tired.. but bored?
Live Love Laugh!
Wednesday, December 28
Friday, December 16
typing typing all the way
I long to type, with my fingers on my keyboards,
typing away words flowing from my mind
But what are there in my mind today?
Something I don't dare to let out
Free your mind, they say
But freedom always comes with a cost
And your freedom is limited by
those next to you
It's pain, to have thoughts
sitting... standing... still
typing away words flowing from my mind
But what are there in my mind today?
Something I don't dare to let out
Free your mind, they say
But freedom always comes with a cost
And your freedom is limited by
those next to you
It's pain, to have thoughts
sitting... standing... still
What Batman says
It is not what you feel inside
It is what you do that defines you
Batman Begins
C.2005
It is what you do that defines you
Batman Begins
C.2005
Tuesday, December 13
Government of neglect
Fifty-five people died of hunger, and instead of finding the core of the proble, our beloved government is busy correcting that NOT fift-five people haved died, it was less than that number, and that NOT ALL have died of hunger. Some perhaps of dengue, some of malaria, or other diseases.
SO WHAT???? Fact is, people died in number, of lack of health or nutrition. It's the government duty to protect their people and give them basic necessities, which are health and nutrition among them.
This government has been doing 'tambal sulam' job for God know how long, nobody really cares about long-term achievement or commitment. When you have only five year rule as minister, president or whatever, you have only that long to enrich yourself with the people's spoil. Oh.. five years is pushing it, actually. If the president says that he needs to reshuffle, so perhaps that five-year honeymoon will be over soon.
And let's touch the subject of those tuan in the DPR, tuan-tuan yang terhormat di DPR, who, for the fear of the people they represent, they build such a high fence. For what? To protect their Mercedeses, BMWs, Volvos, Audis, or Jaguars. They are paid hefty amount, get free house - all expenses paid, got 'tunjangan' for whatever it is they need to (supposedly) doing their duty. And yet what I see is the most disgusting picture I've ever seen: empty chamber, with view participants who are either dozing or busy talking with each other... when they are SUPPOSEDLY passing a new law or something that will affect they live or the people that they SUPPOSEDLY represent. The caption said that the "attendee list" have around 100 signature on it, yet the actual attendance are a joke. And they get paid too for SUPPOSEDLY attending. That picture makes me sick.
This is a sick country. The people running it are sick. The people living in it are sick (literally) - of pollution, of lack of nutrition, of the fomaldehyde they eat in their food, of carcinogenic compounds the find in their food container, of poisons and heavy metals they drink in their water, of lack of everything that constitute decent live. And yet, those tuans are driving their 200mio Rups cars, living in ther 1 billions Rups home, sending their kids to 25thousands USD a year school out there in snowy Boston or sunny Los Angeles. They wed their kids in a party that consumed 1 billions Rups, while those people in the street are making barely 1 millions rups per month.
Fifty five people have died. More to come, I believe. Of heartache, of live pressure, of not being able to simply survive as decent human. No dignity, no freedom.. what the point of going on living?
Long live the governemnt, whose neglect have caused as those deaths.
SO WHAT???? Fact is, people died in number, of lack of health or nutrition. It's the government duty to protect their people and give them basic necessities, which are health and nutrition among them.
This government has been doing 'tambal sulam' job for God know how long, nobody really cares about long-term achievement or commitment. When you have only five year rule as minister, president or whatever, you have only that long to enrich yourself with the people's spoil. Oh.. five years is pushing it, actually. If the president says that he needs to reshuffle, so perhaps that five-year honeymoon will be over soon.
And let's touch the subject of those tuan in the DPR, tuan-tuan yang terhormat di DPR, who, for the fear of the people they represent, they build such a high fence. For what? To protect their Mercedeses, BMWs, Volvos, Audis, or Jaguars. They are paid hefty amount, get free house - all expenses paid, got 'tunjangan' for whatever it is they need to (supposedly) doing their duty. And yet what I see is the most disgusting picture I've ever seen: empty chamber, with view participants who are either dozing or busy talking with each other... when they are SUPPOSEDLY passing a new law or something that will affect they live or the people that they SUPPOSEDLY represent. The caption said that the "attendee list" have around 100 signature on it, yet the actual attendance are a joke. And they get paid too for SUPPOSEDLY attending. That picture makes me sick.
This is a sick country. The people running it are sick. The people living in it are sick (literally) - of pollution, of lack of nutrition, of the fomaldehyde they eat in their food, of carcinogenic compounds the find in their food container, of poisons and heavy metals they drink in their water, of lack of everything that constitute decent live. And yet, those tuans are driving their 200mio Rups cars, living in ther 1 billions Rups home, sending their kids to 25thousands USD a year school out there in snowy Boston or sunny Los Angeles. They wed their kids in a party that consumed 1 billions Rups, while those people in the street are making barely 1 millions rups per month.
Fifty five people have died. More to come, I believe. Of heartache, of live pressure, of not being able to simply survive as decent human. No dignity, no freedom.. what the point of going on living?
Long live the governemnt, whose neglect have caused as those deaths.
Tuesday, November 22
Being normal is just perfect
Have you ever considered that? That being normal is just PERFECT? That you don't have to be white, with long acquiline nose, have small sparkling-white teeth, black flowing tresses, slim and toned body. So what if you don't have any of those?
Look at your body, at what you have: two perfectly functioning arm and legs, nice head propped on a good neck, stomach that does whatever it is required to do. And take a good view of your face: two eyes along with accompanying eyebrows and lashes, nose that smells and filters the air you breathe, mouth and lips, teeth and tounge.
Who said that you have to have arched eyebrows? Who told you your lips are not plump enough, or red enough, or too thick, or not big enough? Who judged that your skin are too dark, not dewy enough, too pale, or lack of color?
Try to listen to your inner thought, and stop listening to those ads. Yes, there are people fortunate enough to be blessed with pyshical beauty beyond normal expectation. But those are the exception. You don't have to follow them. They are born that way. It's God who give them those gifts.
And it is also God-given, these perfectly functioning body we have.
When you think bad about yourself, think of those less fortunate than you are. And think, of how your life would be should you be robbed of one of your body parts.
Pot belly? So what!
Look at your body, at what you have: two perfectly functioning arm and legs, nice head propped on a good neck, stomach that does whatever it is required to do. And take a good view of your face: two eyes along with accompanying eyebrows and lashes, nose that smells and filters the air you breathe, mouth and lips, teeth and tounge.
Who said that you have to have arched eyebrows? Who told you your lips are not plump enough, or red enough, or too thick, or not big enough? Who judged that your skin are too dark, not dewy enough, too pale, or lack of color?
Try to listen to your inner thought, and stop listening to those ads. Yes, there are people fortunate enough to be blessed with pyshical beauty beyond normal expectation. But those are the exception. You don't have to follow them. They are born that way. It's God who give them those gifts.
And it is also God-given, these perfectly functioning body we have.
When you think bad about yourself, think of those less fortunate than you are. And think, of how your life would be should you be robbed of one of your body parts.
Pot belly? So what!
Friday, November 18
The end of innocence
When you think you lost your innocence? When it ended and you realized that life is no so simple anymore, that you could not judge things in black or white anymore.
I remember mine was the last day of the senior high school. We were doing our university form that day. I had finished mine, and went to sit on the table just out the door of my class. I looked at my friends, still busy with their choices, while I didn’t care much about mine. The school PA was playing a song that time: Haruskah Kuteteskan Air Mata, and then Satu Jam Saja.
Somehow, that picture, that scene, remained in me for so long. Somehow, for me, that was the last day of innocence. Life would not be so carefree anymore. Life would mean lots of considerations. Life would be of colors, and what’s wrong or right is dependable of the situation.
Some people have lost theirs earlier than mine, I assume. I had (and still have) a rather simple life. But again, every grown up lost theirs, eventually.
Innocence belongs to a child. We don’t have it anymore. To my regret.
I remember mine was the last day of the senior high school. We were doing our university form that day. I had finished mine, and went to sit on the table just out the door of my class. I looked at my friends, still busy with their choices, while I didn’t care much about mine. The school PA was playing a song that time: Haruskah Kuteteskan Air Mata, and then Satu Jam Saja.
Somehow, that picture, that scene, remained in me for so long. Somehow, for me, that was the last day of innocence. Life would not be so carefree anymore. Life would mean lots of considerations. Life would be of colors, and what’s wrong or right is dependable of the situation.
Some people have lost theirs earlier than mine, I assume. I had (and still have) a rather simple life. But again, every grown up lost theirs, eventually.
Innocence belongs to a child. We don’t have it anymore. To my regret.
Thursday, October 20
Didn't you notice that?
Today I passed the road I've always passed since my work in this company started 10 years ago. Something changed. Not that I noticed, but because there's a notice board saying that the garage that used to be there has moved somewhere and that the land is overtaken legally by a certain party.
So, there was a garage there? I didn't notice.
Ten years, same route. To not notice?
I wonder, what else I don't notice in this live?
So, there was a garage there? I didn't notice.
Ten years, same route. To not notice?
I wonder, what else I don't notice in this live?
Cahaya Hidupku
Suatu hari aku pernah mengirimkan suamiku, yg waktu itu sedang belajar di Swedia, sebuah buku yang kupikir pasti akan dia sukai.
Kemarin aku membuka buku itu, dan tertera tulisan tangannya:
"Dari ...., istriku, kekasihku, cahaya hidupku"
Kata-kata itu mengalahkan hadiah apapun yang sebetulnya diam2 aku ingini, hal2 'picisan' seperti bunga, coklat atau perhiasan.
Cahaya hidupku.....
Ketika kamu menjadi cahaya hidup seseorang, apa lagi yang kamu harapkan? Nothing. Hanya harapan bahwa cahaya itu akan terus bersinar dan tak pernah redup.
Kemarin aku membuka buku itu, dan tertera tulisan tangannya:
"Dari ...., istriku, kekasihku, cahaya hidupku"
Kata-kata itu mengalahkan hadiah apapun yang sebetulnya diam2 aku ingini, hal2 'picisan' seperti bunga, coklat atau perhiasan.
Cahaya hidupku.....
Ketika kamu menjadi cahaya hidup seseorang, apa lagi yang kamu harapkan? Nothing. Hanya harapan bahwa cahaya itu akan terus bersinar dan tak pernah redup.
Wednesday, October 12
On writing
I read somewhere that writing is a form of therapy. By putting down your feeling you at least can face your problem and find a solution, eventually. That by doing so you let out steam off your body and mind. Perhaps it is.
But sometimes my writing seems to amplify my feeling instead of cooling it down. So when I am angry and I put it down, I get more and more angrier. And when I am hurt or sad, it affects me in a deeper way.
Problem is, I don't think I can stop writing. Even if it breaks my heart, even if I am writing in tears, and even when reading what I've written hurts me again and again.
I don't know if a therapy is supposed to work this way. It's different with sharing things with a living being, a close friend, for example. But friends sometimes give a reaction that I dont' want to have, that I don't want to deal with. In my writing, the only thing I deal with is my emotion. And perhaps your interpretation of it.
I will keep on writing (typing, to be exact). Happy, sad, remorseful, broken-hearted, elated, joyful, contemplating.... whatever. I feel alive when writing. It is me you read. It is me.
But sometimes my writing seems to amplify my feeling instead of cooling it down. So when I am angry and I put it down, I get more and more angrier. And when I am hurt or sad, it affects me in a deeper way.
Problem is, I don't think I can stop writing. Even if it breaks my heart, even if I am writing in tears, and even when reading what I've written hurts me again and again.
I don't know if a therapy is supposed to work this way. It's different with sharing things with a living being, a close friend, for example. But friends sometimes give a reaction that I dont' want to have, that I don't want to deal with. In my writing, the only thing I deal with is my emotion. And perhaps your interpretation of it.
I will keep on writing (typing, to be exact). Happy, sad, remorseful, broken-hearted, elated, joyful, contemplating.... whatever. I feel alive when writing. It is me you read. It is me.
So I thought
I have forgave and forgotten,
so I thought
I have torn all and burnt all,
so I thought
I no longer look back and move forward,
so I thought
I have accepted and lived with it,
so I thought
So why this tiny stab?
So I thought...
so I thought
I have torn all and burnt all,
so I thought
I no longer look back and move forward,
so I thought
I have accepted and lived with it,
so I thought
So why this tiny stab?
So I thought...
Tuesday, October 11
places
tokyo. los angeles. san diego. los caritos. singapore. hongkong. kuala lumpur. bangkok. paris. rome. amsterdam. london. oxford. windosr. brighton. malmoe. copenhagen. helsingor. helsingborg. breda. volendam. delft. capri. berlin.
solo. jogja. bali. bandung. surabaya. semarang. garut. kerawang. anyer. carita. pekanbaru.
indonesia. japan. usa. uk. singapore. hongkong. malaysia. thailand. france. italy. netherlands. sweden. denmark. germany.
next?
solo. jogja. bali. bandung. surabaya. semarang. garut. kerawang. anyer. carita. pekanbaru.
indonesia. japan. usa. uk. singapore. hongkong. malaysia. thailand. france. italy. netherlands. sweden. denmark. germany.
next?
Monday, October 10
The rickety bucket we’re riding in
It’s been awhile since I last boarded a public bus. Especially the regular ones, not the PATAS AC. Those metro minis and KOPAJAs are really something. If you need a daily dose of adventure, just board one. Guaranteed, you will get not just physical enlightment, but spiritial as well.
Take the trip I took last week. Only one seat remaining which I immediately took. Definitely not the best one, as this was the one in front, in the area beside the driver. It enabled me to see a lot, though.
It came to me how rickety the bus was. The floor under the driver’s feet had a hole in it. I can see the street from there. The driver’s seat has no safety features whatsoever, a buckle would be an alien aparatus. Not one indicator is alive, not of the oil, the speed, the rpm, nothing. All what’s left were knobs of whatever… at least the driver was familiar with them. The door was tied with hard rubber string.
And let’s not talk about the passangers’ seats, haphazardly bolted to the bus floor, some already loose. Or the windows that reverberate along with the engine, creating a high decible cacophony. Tampered glass? Ck.. ck.. ck…, no chance.
With the demon speed these drivers are carrying the passengers, I cannot help but feel close to God. Everytime the bus picked up speed, I send a prayer to The Almighty. God… don’t let me die. Not because I’am afraid to die, but because of those I’d leave behind. Please let me be save, please let me arrive home to those I love and those who need me. Dear God…
Happy riding, dear readers.
Take the trip I took last week. Only one seat remaining which I immediately took. Definitely not the best one, as this was the one in front, in the area beside the driver. It enabled me to see a lot, though.
It came to me how rickety the bus was. The floor under the driver’s feet had a hole in it. I can see the street from there. The driver’s seat has no safety features whatsoever, a buckle would be an alien aparatus. Not one indicator is alive, not of the oil, the speed, the rpm, nothing. All what’s left were knobs of whatever… at least the driver was familiar with them. The door was tied with hard rubber string.
And let’s not talk about the passangers’ seats, haphazardly bolted to the bus floor, some already loose. Or the windows that reverberate along with the engine, creating a high decible cacophony. Tampered glass? Ck.. ck.. ck…, no chance.
With the demon speed these drivers are carrying the passengers, I cannot help but feel close to God. Everytime the bus picked up speed, I send a prayer to The Almighty. God… don’t let me die. Not because I’am afraid to die, but because of those I’d leave behind. Please let me be save, please let me arrive home to those I love and those who need me. Dear God…
Happy riding, dear readers.
Thursday, September 22
where i have been the last 5 months
just in case anyone is wondering, i was in medical leave starting april 10, and on maternity leave starting june 12. so it's official, i am now a mother of four. beautiful, cute daughters.
honestly, this last pregnancy and baby is the one i am so aware of. the pregnancy was difficult, but the baby is a okay... the most beautiful baby in the whole world (as my eldest says).
i'll get back to you again, blog. this is my first day at work. got tonnes of emails to take care of.
love you all, women of the world!
honestly, this last pregnancy and baby is the one i am so aware of. the pregnancy was difficult, but the baby is a okay... the most beautiful baby in the whole world (as my eldest says).
i'll get back to you again, blog. this is my first day at work. got tonnes of emails to take care of.
love you all, women of the world!
Friday, April 8
Broken words
I hate it when people broke their promises to me. Well, basically I hate it when people do things that provokes me, and this one is definitely it. And to be honestly honest, I get hot on a lot of things.
But particularly this one, it's something that's really embedded in me. Don't make any promise you cannot keep. Please. If you don't think you can keep it, don't make any. Don't say: I promise... Just be humble and say: I'll try.... That's more like it. In trying you at least show some effort. In making promises, there's a totalness in it. You've got to give all to keep it. No excuse. Well, almost no excuse. If you're dead without keeping it, what can I say? Or you bumped your head and got amnesia, may God bless you. Or perhaps you simply have memory relapse. There's nothing but to forgive those who are forgetful.
BTW, I am forgetful. So just in case I forget to keep my promise, remind me, okay. Don't just sit there and resent me. Please... pretty please?
But particularly this one, it's something that's really embedded in me. Don't make any promise you cannot keep. Please. If you don't think you can keep it, don't make any. Don't say: I promise... Just be humble and say: I'll try.... That's more like it. In trying you at least show some effort. In making promises, there's a totalness in it. You've got to give all to keep it. No excuse. Well, almost no excuse. If you're dead without keeping it, what can I say? Or you bumped your head and got amnesia, may God bless you. Or perhaps you simply have memory relapse. There's nothing but to forgive those who are forgetful.
BTW, I am forgetful. So just in case I forget to keep my promise, remind me, okay. Don't just sit there and resent me. Please... pretty please?
Comment
I found in my inbox that there's a comment dropped by someone for my blog. It's alway nice to have comment. It means that there are people out there who actually read my writings, and go the length of actually writing a comment is real nice.
Thanks a lot, dear readers!
Thanks a lot, dear readers!
Thursday, April 7
Bottle feeding
This is a new revelation: baby bottle is not supposed to be advertised to the general public. And labeling on the packaging should follow certain rules.
I found this here: http://www.ibfan.org/english/codewatch/btr98/btr98bib.html
It is similar with new-born baby formula. Strict wording and no advertising. The reason is this: natural breast feeding is superior to all kind of substitute. It is backed by UNICEF, at least. But business is business, and no advertising means little business.
I am personnaly irked by the fact that the hospital where my daughters were born (and my soon to be out there baby would be delivered) are bottle-feeding the babies. It is unethical, to say the least. Babies should be given to their mothers within one hour of delivery. One hour - that's the golden window of a baby learning naturally on how to suck her mother's breasts. Close that window, and there bound to be problems regarding breast feeding. Mothers are naturally equiped with breast, ladden with milk, to do just that: breas feed their babies. It's God given, it's natural, and it's how things are supposed to be. Unless for a really small number of unfortunate women with certain defect, or severely malnurished women, every woman can have ample production of breast milk. There's some tricks to keep the production running, though. We'll talk about that later. Back to bottle. And formula.
The hospital even give 'sent away' give that includes sample of formula, the remaining of the formula given to the baby, and two bottles. I wanted to scream at them and throw the things away, trully. Okay, I was having caesarian delivery, which put me in the disadvantage of not being able to use that golden window (1 hour after operation, believe me... your brain is still nowhere inside your head). But that doesn't mean that all opportunity is lost. I read somewhere that baby can be left un-fed for almost 24 hours. Or was it 10 hours? Now.. that's ample time to give that baby to me and for me to stick her to my breast. Just don't give that goddamned formula in the bottle. Her bottle is here on my chest. Her formula is here in my breasts.
And as for the bottle when you are away from your baby (working mother, this is for you....), bottle should not be used. So said the advocate of breast feeding movement. Use spoon to feed the baby, or even cup (make sure you do it slowly and ever carefully as not to flood the baby with milk). Bottle and man-made nipples can make 'nipple confusion' which will make natural breast feeding a problem.
But then again, for us poor working mom with only 3 months of maternity leave, it's seems too much a burden to have our baby's caretaker do that, doesn't it? The amount of patience and time spent to apply those techniques would surely look discouraging compared to feeding with bottle.
Anyway, in short: go breastfeed your babies. It's the best start a baby can have in her life. And you know what? It's actually practical: no hoarding bottles, formula, warmer, sterilizer and so on and so on when you are travelling with your baby. Because all those are contained in those two things attached there by mother nature to your chest: your breast.
Love you all, mothers of babies on earth (and far beyond that, should there be life in other planets).
How do you react?
How do you react to the environment around you, especially that which gets to your nerves?
I have some friends who maintain a perpetual smile. It's astonishing.... One never even raised her voice. How does she maintain that external calmness and acceptance is a mistery for me. As for the internal feeling, I don't know. She has a rather high blood pressure, though. But perhaps it has more to do with her weight than her hidden emotion.
Such person would get approvals from most people. A smile is much much more better that a frown and definitely a far throw from a downright eruption of anger. Don't you think so?
Other simply clam up and be sour. This kind would be better left alone in their sourness or you are subject to acid spray. They won't throw anger at you, but gone are the sweet smile and warmth. If attitude can cut, theirs are like swiss-made stainless-steel knife: light, strong, and make clean cut. So clean you are hardly aware that you are bleeding. And the pain creeps to you slowly. Well, sometimes not so. Sometimes they become so sour you can taste it from afar. Just let them be is a very good and practical advise.
Then there's the silent type. No smile, no sourness, no nothing. Just an eerie silent that leaves you perplexed. Everything on the surface seems so still and smooth, but somehow you can just feel a hot lava inside. What to do with this kind? Act normally, but do not provoke. You don't know how or when that lava could erupt.
And there's my favorite type: the throw-at-your-face, full-blown anger. That's what I call 'honesty' is. You angry? Show it. Keep people off at a distance, 'less they want to get the impact of your wrath. I am like that.. hahahahaaa. Short-fused, big-bang, destructive, and total madness for several minutes. Deny me that, and that anger would burn like amber, slowly, for a long long time..... and it will burn big at the end. Sadly, this type receives the lowest approval in the social scale.
Anyway, different people, different mechanism. You choose what's best for you, and be ready for the consequences. You may want to be everybody's favorite and suffer inwardly (oh, bless those who truly are warm-hearted and never get angry...), or you may make everybody else suffer for the benefit of your mental health.
Adios!
I have some friends who maintain a perpetual smile. It's astonishing.... One never even raised her voice. How does she maintain that external calmness and acceptance is a mistery for me. As for the internal feeling, I don't know. She has a rather high blood pressure, though. But perhaps it has more to do with her weight than her hidden emotion.
Such person would get approvals from most people. A smile is much much more better that a frown and definitely a far throw from a downright eruption of anger. Don't you think so?
Other simply clam up and be sour. This kind would be better left alone in their sourness or you are subject to acid spray. They won't throw anger at you, but gone are the sweet smile and warmth. If attitude can cut, theirs are like swiss-made stainless-steel knife: light, strong, and make clean cut. So clean you are hardly aware that you are bleeding. And the pain creeps to you slowly. Well, sometimes not so. Sometimes they become so sour you can taste it from afar. Just let them be is a very good and practical advise.
Then there's the silent type. No smile, no sourness, no nothing. Just an eerie silent that leaves you perplexed. Everything on the surface seems so still and smooth, but somehow you can just feel a hot lava inside. What to do with this kind? Act normally, but do not provoke. You don't know how or when that lava could erupt.
And there's my favorite type: the throw-at-your-face, full-blown anger. That's what I call 'honesty' is. You angry? Show it. Keep people off at a distance, 'less they want to get the impact of your wrath. I am like that.. hahahahaaa. Short-fused, big-bang, destructive, and total madness for several minutes. Deny me that, and that anger would burn like amber, slowly, for a long long time..... and it will burn big at the end. Sadly, this type receives the lowest approval in the social scale.
Anyway, different people, different mechanism. You choose what's best for you, and be ready for the consequences. You may want to be everybody's favorite and suffer inwardly (oh, bless those who truly are warm-hearted and never get angry...), or you may make everybody else suffer for the benefit of your mental health.
Adios!
A Cherry (part-2)
A cherry
fallen from your sundae
down to the floor below
no one taken notice
no body would look for it
a cherry
forgotten for today
fallen from your sundae
down to the floor below
no one taken notice
no body would look for it
a cherry
forgotten for today
Wednesday, April 6
A cherry
I am a cherry on top of your sundae
There to ornate
And add a notch of beauty
To an otherwise perfect treat
Take me out
What do you have?
Your ice cream
As enjoyable as ever
Perhaps missing a little something
Of red brightness
There to ornate
And add a notch of beauty
To an otherwise perfect treat
Take me out
What do you have?
Your ice cream
As enjoyable as ever
Perhaps missing a little something
Of red brightness
Thursday, March 24
Beauty, Brain, Bikini?
I have nothing against beauty pageant. If people think beauty should be celebrated and awarded, then so be it. Besides, it is sometimes quite amazing to see how God's creation could be so good. And I agree fully with their 'defense' that the event does not only celebrate physical beaty but also intelligence as well. Well, you got to have some brain to function as they do, and to reach that place in the fist place.
One thing I don't understand is the bikini. Beauty - okay, you make them parade in their national / traditional costumes, party dress, or whatever. Brain - you ask them good questions. Bikini? What does it have to do with all that? Breast measurement doesn't correspond with anything, and the lenght of their smooth legs are irrelevant. What if their hips / waist ratio is slightly off? It doesn't affect one bit of the perfection of their bodies and the function of their brain.
Bikini session also discriminates women who are nevertheless beautiful and smart, but choose not to reveal all of their bodily treasure. But then, perhaps, those women would not enter such event at all. So we may never know.
Beauty and brain - that would be more than enough.
One thing I don't understand is the bikini. Beauty - okay, you make them parade in their national / traditional costumes, party dress, or whatever. Brain - you ask them good questions. Bikini? What does it have to do with all that? Breast measurement doesn't correspond with anything, and the lenght of their smooth legs are irrelevant. What if their hips / waist ratio is slightly off? It doesn't affect one bit of the perfection of their bodies and the function of their brain.
Bikini session also discriminates women who are nevertheless beautiful and smart, but choose not to reveal all of their bodily treasure. But then, perhaps, those women would not enter such event at all. So we may never know.
Beauty and brain - that would be more than enough.
Wednesday, March 16
be careful with what you write
Seems nice, blogging, doesn't it? You pour out your heart's contents, post your imaginations, write your opinion, all with abandon.
Well, be careful. Be very careful. This place is accessible to public and the power that be that controls the public. I just read it: someone got sacked from her job because of her opinion on her workplace. And someone got not a so friendly visit from the secret agent (or was it FBI) regarding his opinion on his president / government.
Suppose I write something nasty about the place I work at. Or suppose I wrote something really really nasty about the government running my beloved poor country, which, if managed properly, could be a prosperous place beyond imagination. Suppose then someone from the power that be stumbles upon my blog and read it and not happy with it. Who am I to challenge? I am but one tiny dispensable voice of many, important only unto myself and those whose life somehow go around me.
How much does anonymousity in the internet protect you? Those fast brain techies could find us easy enough, no doubt about that. And then... Sapobi no more.
Freedom always has it cost. As with any other thing. For the freedom of the say, you may lose your freedom as a protected individual and subject to scrutiny or intrussion.
- sigh -
Well, be careful. Be very careful. This place is accessible to public and the power that be that controls the public. I just read it: someone got sacked from her job because of her opinion on her workplace. And someone got not a so friendly visit from the secret agent (or was it FBI) regarding his opinion on his president / government.
Suppose I write something nasty about the place I work at. Or suppose I wrote something really really nasty about the government running my beloved poor country, which, if managed properly, could be a prosperous place beyond imagination. Suppose then someone from the power that be stumbles upon my blog and read it and not happy with it. Who am I to challenge? I am but one tiny dispensable voice of many, important only unto myself and those whose life somehow go around me.
How much does anonymousity in the internet protect you? Those fast brain techies could find us easy enough, no doubt about that. And then... Sapobi no more.
Freedom always has it cost. As with any other thing. For the freedom of the say, you may lose your freedom as a protected individual and subject to scrutiny or intrussion.
- sigh -
Tuesday, March 15
seven thirty in the morning - what am i doing?
Have eaten a quarter of my bread, sipped half cup of my Milo, refused to read the news for today, jotted down my to-do list, checked my e-mails (both personal and work) and about to start playing the music in my comp.
So what else?
My day bagan today with a blackout at 5 AM. No, not that... with a sensual hug from my hubby before that. Then the alarm sound off at 5.10. Then suddenly the light went off and sound stopped. I had cold water for bath this morning. The light went on again just before we went off to work, at around 6.30 AM.
Now, at seven thirty, I am already wishing I were somewhere else. Anywhere but here. Work lost its appeal to me a week ago. I just switch the auto-pilot on: to get to work, get somethings done, and go home. Exhausted. Waking up the next day, hoping my mood would get better, and things would seem brighter.
At this seven thirty, nothing seems changed, yet. The same weary place, beaten spirit, things to do that I keep on putting off (much against my resolution for the year).
Somehow cheerfulness have left the building for today. Better get a replacement very soon, or indeed life would be bleak.
Heck, no!
For whatever there is: my life is too beautiful not to be enjoyed!
So what else?
My day bagan today with a blackout at 5 AM. No, not that... with a sensual hug from my hubby before that. Then the alarm sound off at 5.10. Then suddenly the light went off and sound stopped. I had cold water for bath this morning. The light went on again just before we went off to work, at around 6.30 AM.
Now, at seven thirty, I am already wishing I were somewhere else. Anywhere but here. Work lost its appeal to me a week ago. I just switch the auto-pilot on: to get to work, get somethings done, and go home. Exhausted. Waking up the next day, hoping my mood would get better, and things would seem brighter.
At this seven thirty, nothing seems changed, yet. The same weary place, beaten spirit, things to do that I keep on putting off (much against my resolution for the year).
Somehow cheerfulness have left the building for today. Better get a replacement very soon, or indeed life would be bleak.
Heck, no!
For whatever there is: my life is too beautiful not to be enjoyed!
Thursday, March 10
What is so wrong with being a woman?
You probably have read them, the news telling stories of how women are treated around the world - from the under developed nations to the superpower.
Here are some of them:
Here are some of them:
- lower payment for same position in office
- no right to vote
- female infanticide (if the word fails you, it means abortion of female babies)
- no right to inheritance
- no right to own property / estate
- cannot pass her nationality to her children if she marries a foreigner (thus, the baby borne out of her cannot be legally accepted as hers????? but only of the father????? try find the logic of THAT one!)
- subjugation to male authorities
- limited accesss to education, or none at all
- limited choices of works
- taking back seat in politics and economy
- domestication
- sexual harassment
- no recognition as breadwinner
- cannot claim leadership, especially in religious matters
And yet, your religion teach you to honor your mother, a woman, as she is noble? Honor thy mother, thy wife, thy sister....
Yeah, right!
Wednesday, March 9
Let me fly
Let me fly
to where there's liquid warmth
carrying away the pains and bad memories
to where there's fontain of contentment
flowing abudantly with niceties and fragrances
let me lost in thy current
to the stillness of your bottom
engulfed in darkness
and nothingness
to where there's liquid warmth
carrying away the pains and bad memories
to where there's fontain of contentment
flowing abudantly with niceties and fragrances
let me lost in thy current
to the stillness of your bottom
engulfed in darkness
and nothingness
Tuesday, March 8
Why I ceased reading the news
It started about four years ago, I think. I stop reading the news, I stop reading what happened to this country, I stop reading and wanting to know about politics. I never listen to the radio talkshow about current situation of the nation.
I tuned in to BBC and sometimes CNN, read Newsweek, browse the internet, but not longer pay attention to what happening within this country. Unless it is terribly big - cause I haven't ceased to scan the headlines and take notice.
Why?
Reading the local news makes me heart-broken and lost hopes of whatever good that is left in this country. For a person who believes in dreams and who live by the rules "when there's hope, there's life" I guess I am truly dead - concerning government and the people running it.
Sometimes things that happen still stir emotions in me (mostly anger and more hatred), but since those emotions do me no good except raising my blood pressure and heart rate - I chose to ignore them. Though sometimes ignoring doesn't work and I got all excited after all.
May God have mercy on this country and its people.
May God have mercy on my soul.
I tuned in to BBC and sometimes CNN, read Newsweek, browse the internet, but not longer pay attention to what happening within this country. Unless it is terribly big - cause I haven't ceased to scan the headlines and take notice.
Why?
Reading the local news makes me heart-broken and lost hopes of whatever good that is left in this country. For a person who believes in dreams and who live by the rules "when there's hope, there's life" I guess I am truly dead - concerning government and the people running it.
Sometimes things that happen still stir emotions in me (mostly anger and more hatred), but since those emotions do me no good except raising my blood pressure and heart rate - I chose to ignore them. Though sometimes ignoring doesn't work and I got all excited after all.
May God have mercy on this country and its people.
May God have mercy on my soul.
Monday, March 7
bermimpilah
my quote for today:
bermimpilah... bahkan jika kamu tahu mimpi itu tidak bisa kamu gapai
bermimpilah... selama itu bikin hati kamu senang
/sapobi
bermimpilah... bahkan jika kamu tahu mimpi itu tidak bisa kamu gapai
bermimpilah... selama itu bikin hati kamu senang
/sapobi
Liar liar
"He who permits himself to tell a lie once, finds it much easier to do it a second and third time, till at lenght it becomes habitual; he tells lies without attending to it, and truths without the world's believing in him. This falsehood of the tounge leads to that of the heart, and in time depraves all its good dispositions."
Thomas Jefferson
Thomas Jefferson
Sleepy head
sleepy head
working in her desk
trying to stay in her office
eyes heavy
head nodding
sleepy head
pretend to be present
only in the body
not the mind
not the spirit
sleepy head
typing this entry
as her mind is empty
sleepy head
... where's my pillow and bed?
working in her desk
trying to stay in her office
eyes heavy
head nodding
sleepy head
pretend to be present
only in the body
not the mind
not the spirit
sleepy head
typing this entry
as her mind is empty
sleepy head
... where's my pillow and bed?
Friday, March 4
I simply hate them
Yup. The pemerintah running this country - my beloved country. I rarely swear, really. I got blown over a lot of issues, but I rarely swear. But today, I cannot contain it no longer. I won't write it here, but by jove! F... 'em!
Enough said (I had been letting this entry sitting there since morning, trying to write in decent note of what my thoughts are.. but alas, there's no decent thought on them).
May God have mercy on their souls.
Enough said (I had been letting this entry sitting there since morning, trying to write in decent note of what my thoughts are.. but alas, there's no decent thought on them).
May God have mercy on their souls.
What's happening to me?
It is unlikely of me to not write for so many days - unless something happens to me. So what's happening to me?
Seems it's a bit hard to juggle reading the BBCworld, detik.com, tend to my Yahoo mails, my friendster, and my blog (and fit them into office hours....). And with the snail pace my body is allowed to work at, don't hope too much.
I was about to write for those men out there on what to expect when their wives get pregnant. You know... the body change, the emotional change, and everything that comes in between. This may (this should) be my last pregnancy, one that I would like to stay in my memory for a long time. One that I would like to cherish, as with other things that are the last of them. And beside, though this one came as a real surprise, and a rather heightened anxiety on what to follow with another additon to the bunny family, I enjoy every bit of it. Down to the leg cramp, the nausea, the mood swing, you name it. And most of all: how my hubby reacts to it. Oh, so lovingly....
So, basically, what's happening to me is nothing. It's just that I have to slow down everything.
La dolce vita!
Seems it's a bit hard to juggle reading the BBCworld, detik.com, tend to my Yahoo mails, my friendster, and my blog (and fit them into office hours....). And with the snail pace my body is allowed to work at, don't hope too much.
I was about to write for those men out there on what to expect when their wives get pregnant. You know... the body change, the emotional change, and everything that comes in between. This may (this should) be my last pregnancy, one that I would like to stay in my memory for a long time. One that I would like to cherish, as with other things that are the last of them. And beside, though this one came as a real surprise, and a rather heightened anxiety on what to follow with another additon to the bunny family, I enjoy every bit of it. Down to the leg cramp, the nausea, the mood swing, you name it. And most of all: how my hubby reacts to it. Oh, so lovingly....
So, basically, what's happening to me is nothing. It's just that I have to slow down everything.
La dolce vita!
Thursday, February 24
All I need is a nice hug
There are times when my emotions were like cocktail mixed in a wrong way
It tastes wrong, feels wrong, and gives me heart storm
All I need is a nice hug, warm and sincere, to make it go away
to calm the storm, stop the tears brewing,
so that what remains is only the still warmth
It tastes wrong, feels wrong, and gives me heart storm
All I need is a nice hug, warm and sincere, to make it go away
to calm the storm, stop the tears brewing,
so that what remains is only the still warmth
Tuesday, February 22
Nice to see you
It's been more than two weeks since my last entry. Wonder why? I got to rest in the hospital for four days, followed by a week-long house arrest. There was some bleeding. Again. Want to know the problem? I got a condition called placenta previa, a condition when the placenta is located totally or partially on the birth canal. Uterus contraction may cause some bleeding. A rather heavy bump to my body could also cause bleeding.
Back to the office, to my battle station - well.... kinda lost my appetite to write for some time. This brain has been void of all office-related memory, and seeing my desk with all the papers was just temporarily mind boggling.
BTW, here I am. Just read my hubby's blog. Deep, as usual. While I got no idea at all what to write.
See you again, blog.
Back to the office, to my battle station - well.... kinda lost my appetite to write for some time. This brain has been void of all office-related memory, and seeing my desk with all the papers was just temporarily mind boggling.
BTW, here I am. Just read my hubby's blog. Deep, as usual. While I got no idea at all what to write.
See you again, blog.
Friday, February 4
Kindergarten
My twins are in the right age to be enrolled into kindergarten (pre-school). They will be 4 this May. So today we went 'shopping' for pre-school. Expensive shopping, that one. Their registration alone cost Rp.100-thou apiece. Their entrance fee will be hovering around 4 to 5 mio per head (no discount for twins), and their tuition in the like of Rp. 200 thou per month.
Kids come with astronomical price tags nowadays, if you want to keep tab. First, the monthly check (and vitamins, and food, and mommy's new clothings) when they were still in their mommy's tummy. Then the bank-breaking fee for delivering them, especially if they have to be taken out with a cesarian. After that, their formulas, diapers, toys, food, etc. Then comes school years. Not to mention non-formal activities: going to the malls, picnics, eating out. And the health maintenance: vaccination doesn't come free.
But then again, you can't count the price on miracles.
Kids come with astronomical price tags nowadays, if you want to keep tab. First, the monthly check (and vitamins, and food, and mommy's new clothings) when they were still in their mommy's tummy. Then the bank-breaking fee for delivering them, especially if they have to be taken out with a cesarian. After that, their formulas, diapers, toys, food, etc. Then comes school years. Not to mention non-formal activities: going to the malls, picnics, eating out. And the health maintenance: vaccination doesn't come free.
But then again, you can't count the price on miracles.
Sex education
I just read article in Jakarta Post regarding sex education (Sex Education, Religious and Cultural Values - by A. Amirrachman).
It's a tricky subject, sex is. Know not enough, curiosity could lead into misinformation. Know enough, the knowledge may lead to "free" behavior.
My opinion is: Let them know. What they do about the knowledge is part of their learning to be responsible adult. Regarding morality, every body's opinion differs on this. It's truly personal, I guess. Just like religion. What's important is that whatever action they decide to take, they take it with full understanding of what's happening and what could happen.
My sex education started at home. Raised with 3 older brothers, I occasionally bumped into "accidental" knowledge. And my mom, bless her readings, bombarded me with books on the subject. Not misleading books, mind you, but books written by the right authority on the subjects (psychologist, sociologist, and the likes).
I know my body before I reached 12. I know the desire, the pleasure, even before that. While other girls were timid about their budding breasts and their first mini-set, I wasn't (though I hated being a girl at that time).
Our sexuality is a part of our being. It must not be denied or burried. It is to be embraced, loved, and understood.
It's a tricky subject, sex is. Know not enough, curiosity could lead into misinformation. Know enough, the knowledge may lead to "free" behavior.
My opinion is: Let them know. What they do about the knowledge is part of their learning to be responsible adult. Regarding morality, every body's opinion differs on this. It's truly personal, I guess. Just like religion. What's important is that whatever action they decide to take, they take it with full understanding of what's happening and what could happen.
My sex education started at home. Raised with 3 older brothers, I occasionally bumped into "accidental" knowledge. And my mom, bless her readings, bombarded me with books on the subject. Not misleading books, mind you, but books written by the right authority on the subjects (psychologist, sociologist, and the likes).
I know my body before I reached 12. I know the desire, the pleasure, even before that. While other girls were timid about their budding breasts and their first mini-set, I wasn't (though I hated being a girl at that time).
Our sexuality is a part of our being. It must not be denied or burried. It is to be embraced, loved, and understood.
Wednesday, February 2
Pregnancy tips (based on personal experience)
Some tips regarding pregnancy-related condition:
- use baby oil (Johnson&Johnson's classic is a favorite) to moisturize your tummy. It's a lot cheaper than the fancy anti-stretchmark cream and works just the same. But if you are exceptionally prone to marks on your skin, you may ask your dermatologist. Use the baby oil frequently during the day, especially if you work in air-con environment. And start using it as early as the third month into pregnancy.
- use baby oil also for your breasts. Makes them feel soft and silky.
- to clean you nipples, use a swab of cotton ball drenched in, again, baby oil.
- for achy feet and legs, rub cooling leg gel, or Counterpain cool, on them before bed.
- buy bras which are bigger than your usual size. Be proud of it (hehe). No need for specifically looking for maternity bra. Find ones that are not too constricting, mostly made of cotton, better without wiring (if you chose wired one, make sure the size is right and the wire doesn't dig into your breasts). Spare some time to try them on, do not rely on size only.
- pregnancy clothing now comes in lots of variation, so shop around. No need to limit yourself to the 'tent' dresses.
- eat sensibly. The usually good food will still be good food in pregnancy. Additional calcium, folic acid and iron (as well as other essential minerals) may be needed.
- have ginger drink to help ease up nausea and give you warmth
- have a loving, doting husband
- and last but not least: BE HAPPY!
Educated vs uneducated
Kalo kita bicara tentang orang 'terpelajar', hal pertama yang muncul biasanya adalah bahwa orang itu mengecap pendidikan - makan sekolahan. Orang yang makan sekolahan tentunya diharapkan lebih berbudaya daripada yang tidak, karena toh pendidikan gak cuma masalah otak tapi juga (seharusnya) masalah tingkah laku. Lebih luas dari itu, sebetulnya. Tapi okelah, ini dulu: orang berpendidikan seharusnya juga berperilaku berpendidikan.
Tapi kadang2 tidak begitu kejadiannya. Contoh sederhana saja, masalah membuang sampah. Dari kecil di TK, SD, dst, bolak-balik diajarkan di sekolah untuk membuang sampah di tempatnya. Dan tempat sampah yang benar adalah tempat sampah. Bukan kali, bukan sungai, bukan laut, bukan jalanan, bukan trotoar, bukan kendaraan umum. Nyatanya, baru kemarin aku lihat dua anak remaja besar, asumsikan saja mahasiswi dari perguruan tinggi swasta, yang bayar kuliahnya mahal. Dengan lugunya mereka membuang plastik bekas makan gorengan mereka ke trotoar.
Contoh lain, orang-orang cantik wangi cakep bersih di mall kelas atas, yang (oke, asumsi lagi) tentunya hidup dengan standar yang beda dengan orang2 lainnya. Tapi kok ya masih susah banget disuruh antre tenang2 di depan kasir?
Terus juga para pengendara mobil bagus kinclong keluaran baru yang bahkan terkadang CBU. Orang2 itu tentu banyak uangnya kan? Lha wong bisa beli mobil segitu harganya. Di pikiran polos saya, saya pikir orang2 kaya itu berpendidikan. Berbudaya. Gak selalu, ternyata. Mobil2 cakep itu kadang2 tingkah lakunya juga sama saja dengan bis kota, yang supirnya tentu berasal dari dunia yang amat berbeda dari orang2 itu. Kelakuan sama, bungkusnya aja yang beda.
Dan ini gongnya. POLISI.
Udah jelas2 mereka adalah pengemban / penegak hukum. Dan wajibnya mereka juga kan mendidik orang untuk taat peraturan, bersikap tertib, dll? Kenyataannya? Selain peraturan yang gonta-ganti tergantung entah apa (mood? kalender?), mereka sendiri juga gak bisa dijadikan contoh ketertiban.
Daftar 'dosa': naek motor tanpa helm. Motong jalan gak kasih sen dulu. Nerobos lampu merah - padahal gak pasang sirine atau tanda2 'genting' lainnya. Mengendarai mobil tanpa pake seatbelt.
Sudah dulu.
Tapi kadang2 tidak begitu kejadiannya. Contoh sederhana saja, masalah membuang sampah. Dari kecil di TK, SD, dst, bolak-balik diajarkan di sekolah untuk membuang sampah di tempatnya. Dan tempat sampah yang benar adalah tempat sampah. Bukan kali, bukan sungai, bukan laut, bukan jalanan, bukan trotoar, bukan kendaraan umum. Nyatanya, baru kemarin aku lihat dua anak remaja besar, asumsikan saja mahasiswi dari perguruan tinggi swasta, yang bayar kuliahnya mahal. Dengan lugunya mereka membuang plastik bekas makan gorengan mereka ke trotoar.
Contoh lain, orang-orang cantik wangi cakep bersih di mall kelas atas, yang (oke, asumsi lagi) tentunya hidup dengan standar yang beda dengan orang2 lainnya. Tapi kok ya masih susah banget disuruh antre tenang2 di depan kasir?
Terus juga para pengendara mobil bagus kinclong keluaran baru yang bahkan terkadang CBU. Orang2 itu tentu banyak uangnya kan? Lha wong bisa beli mobil segitu harganya. Di pikiran polos saya, saya pikir orang2 kaya itu berpendidikan. Berbudaya. Gak selalu, ternyata. Mobil2 cakep itu kadang2 tingkah lakunya juga sama saja dengan bis kota, yang supirnya tentu berasal dari dunia yang amat berbeda dari orang2 itu. Kelakuan sama, bungkusnya aja yang beda.
Dan ini gongnya. POLISI.
Udah jelas2 mereka adalah pengemban / penegak hukum. Dan wajibnya mereka juga kan mendidik orang untuk taat peraturan, bersikap tertib, dll? Kenyataannya? Selain peraturan yang gonta-ganti tergantung entah apa (mood? kalender?), mereka sendiri juga gak bisa dijadikan contoh ketertiban.
Daftar 'dosa': naek motor tanpa helm. Motong jalan gak kasih sen dulu. Nerobos lampu merah - padahal gak pasang sirine atau tanda2 'genting' lainnya. Mengendarai mobil tanpa pake seatbelt.
Sudah dulu.
Arsenal booo hooo hooo
Arsenal lost to MU 2-4. The fourth goal was, in my opinion, stupid. MU was a 10-man squad at that time.
They should invest on a clever goalie, that club.
They should invest on a clever goalie, that club.
Tuesday, February 1
The lady at lunch
There was this woman I saw when having lunch, who seemed to struggle with everything she did for at least the 10 minutes I saw her.
First, she apparently having difficulty punching her straw into the lid of Aqua gelas. The straw bent from repeated jammings, still she hadn't succeded in making a hole. She turned the straw upside down, again jamming it, to no avail. The struggle took about two whole minutes, I guess. I was itching to go to her table and come to her rescue. Finally, she succeeded. Phew!
Second, I watched her again as she tried to munch on his piece of martabak. She bit into the piece, tearing it into two, one hanging just on her lips, the other bigger piece barely secured in his right hand. The piece in her mouth almost fall out. Then she managed to put it into her mouth and started munching.
Third, she was tidying up her plates and what remained of her lunch. Her fork flew to the floor and she bent down to pick it up.
That's the final curtain, I hope. My lunch was over, and I couldn't watch her anymore. Hope she didn't get tripped on her way back to her office, or bump her head or something.
First, she apparently having difficulty punching her straw into the lid of Aqua gelas. The straw bent from repeated jammings, still she hadn't succeded in making a hole. She turned the straw upside down, again jamming it, to no avail. The struggle took about two whole minutes, I guess. I was itching to go to her table and come to her rescue. Finally, she succeeded. Phew!
Second, I watched her again as she tried to munch on his piece of martabak. She bit into the piece, tearing it into two, one hanging just on her lips, the other bigger piece barely secured in his right hand. The piece in her mouth almost fall out. Then she managed to put it into her mouth and started munching.
Third, she was tidying up her plates and what remained of her lunch. Her fork flew to the floor and she bent down to pick it up.
That's the final curtain, I hope. My lunch was over, and I couldn't watch her anymore. Hope she didn't get tripped on her way back to her office, or bump her head or something.
Monday, January 31
My list - things that annoy me
You've seen my list of things I wanna do (before I die).
Now, here are some things that annoy me:
- people who cut in me queue
- people who doesn't say 'excuse me' after bumping me
- people who just stand there staring at me while what they really want to say is "could you move aside, please? we want to get thru" Couldn't they speak or what?
- people who stop dead at the bottom (or top) of stairs, having reunion with their friends, or whatever it is they talk about
- my temper
- people who talk windingly, never get to the point
- cashier / shop assistants who talk to each other while I was infront of them trying to pay / make purchase
- rules being broken and nothing is done about it
- broken promise
- lies
Now, here are some things that annoy me:
- people who cut in me queue
- people who doesn't say 'excuse me' after bumping me
- people who just stand there staring at me while what they really want to say is "could you move aside, please? we want to get thru" Couldn't they speak or what?
- people who stop dead at the bottom (or top) of stairs, having reunion with their friends, or whatever it is they talk about
- my temper
- people who talk windingly, never get to the point
- cashier / shop assistants who talk to each other while I was infront of them trying to pay / make purchase
- rules being broken and nothing is done about it
- broken promise
- lies
Tennis, anyone?
I am no big fan of tennis. But watching the just-concluded Australian Open, I couldn't help but marvel at those men. What power they have!
I liked especially the battle between Hewitt and Nalbandian. It should've been better ended with a flip of a coin, I guess, if it was only about to have a winner.
The final was nice, though not particularly heart-wrecking (unless, of course, I were an Australian). Hewitt lost in the end. To the young, big, tall Safin. Just browsed about him, he's a Tartar. No wonder he doesn't look "white Russian" (my idea of white Russian is someone like Putin).
But it's funny how they use 'love' to say 'zero'. Only in tennis does love mean nothing.
I liked especially the battle between Hewitt and Nalbandian. It should've been better ended with a flip of a coin, I guess, if it was only about to have a winner.
The final was nice, though not particularly heart-wrecking (unless, of course, I were an Australian). Hewitt lost in the end. To the young, big, tall Safin. Just browsed about him, he's a Tartar. No wonder he doesn't look "white Russian" (my idea of white Russian is someone like Putin).
But it's funny how they use 'love' to say 'zero'. Only in tennis does love mean nothing.
Friday, January 28
Life?
Ennggggg…
Okay, I don’t have specific topic to write today. My body doesn’t feel quite right, my eyes are heavy, my tummy feels heavy, too.
It’s my colleague’s birthday today, he who was born a decade after me. Makes me feel rather old, it does.
But to think of it, I was even younger than him when I first joined the workforce. It doesn’t feel like more than a decade has passed. I still remember a few things about my first work. Anyway, this is only my second one, the one that have been my source of income (and joy, and sorrow, and several outbursts, and a lot of other things). This year will mark the 10th anniversary of my employment.
And what have I accomplished? A lot, and yet not much. Depends on how you look at it. Career wise, so so. Life wise? Quite a lot.
I feel like I am a different person I am today than I was 10 years ago. In my mind, my heart. Still going on changing, though. It won’t stop until my life stops, I guess.
That’s all for today. Have a nice weekend.
Okay, I don’t have specific topic to write today. My body doesn’t feel quite right, my eyes are heavy, my tummy feels heavy, too.
It’s my colleague’s birthday today, he who was born a decade after me. Makes me feel rather old, it does.
But to think of it, I was even younger than him when I first joined the workforce. It doesn’t feel like more than a decade has passed. I still remember a few things about my first work. Anyway, this is only my second one, the one that have been my source of income (and joy, and sorrow, and several outbursts, and a lot of other things). This year will mark the 10th anniversary of my employment.
And what have I accomplished? A lot, and yet not much. Depends on how you look at it. Career wise, so so. Life wise? Quite a lot.
I feel like I am a different person I am today than I was 10 years ago. In my mind, my heart. Still going on changing, though. It won’t stop until my life stops, I guess.
That’s all for today. Have a nice weekend.
Thursday, January 27
Burger
I ate burger for lunch yesterday. Just got that craving. It’s been a long friendship, me and burger.
It started at home. My mother, who, when cooking, liked to cook Western food more than Asian food (too complicated and messy), put burger, hotdog, chilly con carne, French fries, spaghetti, cream soup, macaroni schootel and even tacos as our daily menu. Bread was our daily breakfast (it is till now). When my father was away, of course. When he was home, we had those traditional sayur asem komplit, rawon komplit, gado2 or pecel komplit, nasi goring for breakfast. He had enough of Western food being an international flight pilot.
Biting into nice home-made burger brings back some of the memory of childhood. And also Bali. How come Bali? ‘Cause when we were there, we always ordered burger, either with cheese or not. And vanilla ice cream for me (mostly chocolate for my bros). Orders signed by my brothers. A surprise bill awaited my mother afterwards. You know how kids were: always hungry, especially after a good swim.
I am yet to taste a real nice ‘home made’ burger again. The one in THAT fast-food chain has the mass-production taste on it. Feels like the beef has been thawed a year ago, and the veggie chopped two months ago. Stale. Waste of money (better have a nice bowl of bakso instead). The one in Wendy’s is better. Though the beef is slim, the veggie at least is fresh. And nice plump bun, not one that seems like it has been run over by a truck.
My next craving is: Tempura Udon. Stay tuned!
It started at home. My mother, who, when cooking, liked to cook Western food more than Asian food (too complicated and messy), put burger, hotdog, chilly con carne, French fries, spaghetti, cream soup, macaroni schootel and even tacos as our daily menu. Bread was our daily breakfast (it is till now). When my father was away, of course. When he was home, we had those traditional sayur asem komplit, rawon komplit, gado2 or pecel komplit, nasi goring for breakfast. He had enough of Western food being an international flight pilot.
Biting into nice home-made burger brings back some of the memory of childhood. And also Bali. How come Bali? ‘Cause when we were there, we always ordered burger, either with cheese or not. And vanilla ice cream for me (mostly chocolate for my bros). Orders signed by my brothers. A surprise bill awaited my mother afterwards. You know how kids were: always hungry, especially after a good swim.
I am yet to taste a real nice ‘home made’ burger again. The one in THAT fast-food chain has the mass-production taste on it. Feels like the beef has been thawed a year ago, and the veggie chopped two months ago. Stale. Waste of money (better have a nice bowl of bakso instead). The one in Wendy’s is better. Though the beef is slim, the veggie at least is fresh. And nice plump bun, not one that seems like it has been run over by a truck.
My next craving is: Tempura Udon. Stay tuned!
Wednesday, January 26
A woman I am
Am gonna talk of what I feel of being a woman. I am proud and thankful to be one.
That one sentence took a long time to register in me. For years I hated to be a woman. I hated what society imposed on me. I refused the values attached to me as one. I never made myself beautiful. I never celebrated my womanhood. I cursed at the step that made me a woman: puberty and menstruation. I scoffed at those who put effort to their looks and parading their sensuality.
Then marriage came. Even if mine is based more on partership than on 'classic' model, the feeling that I am the feminine one cannot be escaped. I AM the feminine one. And that label comes with lots other revelations as well. Reproductively speaking, no matter how level you are in gender issue, a man is a man and woman a woman.
Then came pregnancy. I couldn't help marvel at the miracle of it. To have a living being growing inside, to feel it, to actually give it life..... my life was her life. My blood was her blood. The sound of my heart beating was what she heard. It was like an enlightment.
Being a woman is not just being a woman. It's a miracle in being. I dont' think I can put it correctly in words. There's a power within of being one. May I say divine? 'Course, that power comes with enormous responsibility. But I'll talk about that later.
At this moment in my life, I celebrate myself for what I am: a woman.
That one sentence took a long time to register in me. For years I hated to be a woman. I hated what society imposed on me. I refused the values attached to me as one. I never made myself beautiful. I never celebrated my womanhood. I cursed at the step that made me a woman: puberty and menstruation. I scoffed at those who put effort to their looks and parading their sensuality.
Then marriage came. Even if mine is based more on partership than on 'classic' model, the feeling that I am the feminine one cannot be escaped. I AM the feminine one. And that label comes with lots other revelations as well. Reproductively speaking, no matter how level you are in gender issue, a man is a man and woman a woman.
Then came pregnancy. I couldn't help marvel at the miracle of it. To have a living being growing inside, to feel it, to actually give it life..... my life was her life. My blood was her blood. The sound of my heart beating was what she heard. It was like an enlightment.
Being a woman is not just being a woman. It's a miracle in being. I dont' think I can put it correctly in words. There's a power within of being one. May I say divine? 'Course, that power comes with enormous responsibility. But I'll talk about that later.
At this moment in my life, I celebrate myself for what I am: a woman.
My daughter's first crush
My daughter is a big fan of Takeshi Castle game on TV. It's game from the last decade, but heck, it's enjoyable to the bone. Mega laugh!
She watches it everyday while she's on schoold holiday, every day on the weekends. At 2.30 sharp. Even refuses to go out with the family if it means skipping the show.
And for these past few days, she's been having papers with the 'General' in the show's name. Hayato Tani. Handsom one, he is. She keep one paper next to her when she goes to bed. To dream of him, she says. And everytime we say his name, she would cover her ear in a timid way only a girl in love would have.
She's not yet 8 - and now she has her first crush.
She watches it everyday while she's on schoold holiday, every day on the weekends. At 2.30 sharp. Even refuses to go out with the family if it means skipping the show.
And for these past few days, she's been having papers with the 'General' in the show's name. Hayato Tani. Handsom one, he is. She keep one paper next to her when she goes to bed. To dream of him, she says. And everytime we say his name, she would cover her ear in a timid way only a girl in love would have.
She's not yet 8 - and now she has her first crush.
Tuesday, January 25
Full moon last night
It was full moon last night. The sky was mostly clear, with patches of clouds after the rain. Stars were there.
We looked up the sky last night, me and my twins. Just before we came in again, a plane with its blinking light split the sky. We waved at it. Say goodnight to it.
It's always a beatiful sight, the full moon.
We looked up the sky last night, me and my twins. Just before we came in again, a plane with its blinking light split the sky. We waved at it. Say goodnight to it.
It's always a beatiful sight, the full moon.
Monday, January 24
Don't envy us
Don't envy us
as the seed you planted
grow inside
beating as we beat
thriving
Don't envy us
as the liquid of life
flow from our breasts
into the mouth
of your children
Don't envy us
as we are women
as the seed you planted
grow inside
beating as we beat
thriving
Don't envy us
as the liquid of life
flow from our breasts
into the mouth
of your children
Don't envy us
as we are women
History
History is written by those who hang the heroes.
So the opening line of Braveheart goes. I start to believe in the truth of that sentence.
For milleniums, human history were built on conquests: the conqueror and the conquered. The winner had all, the loser... depended on what the winner allowed them to do. Winning meant power. Power meant controlling all aspect of life of the loser, including beliefs, customs, languanges, everything.
Heroes were those who won. The other side were simply the enemies. One that was beaten and went in line as one of the 'heroes' trophies.
Some cultures were obliterated. Even if some other survived, the ways of that culture were probably never recorded because it were never given the permisison to go into history.
History written today on those forgotten life was based on very educated guess and available proof and legends or stories. There were some truth in legend, as there were some lies in history.
History written today on today's history are still written by those with the power. News as we know it never reveal the 100% of reality and fact. You can just read between the line the tone and the subjectiveness of the writer, and the hidden agenda. And those not deemed worthy of news will never made it into current history, just as the same as those conquered people. They are there, the events are there, the facts are there - but no one knows. So in a sense, they never happen.
In milleniums of human history, millions of events were there that went unknown. If what we are today are shaped of what we are in the previous time, then what we are today has lots of missing pieces in it.
So the opening line of Braveheart goes. I start to believe in the truth of that sentence.
For milleniums, human history were built on conquests: the conqueror and the conquered. The winner had all, the loser... depended on what the winner allowed them to do. Winning meant power. Power meant controlling all aspect of life of the loser, including beliefs, customs, languanges, everything.
Heroes were those who won. The other side were simply the enemies. One that was beaten and went in line as one of the 'heroes' trophies.
Some cultures were obliterated. Even if some other survived, the ways of that culture were probably never recorded because it were never given the permisison to go into history.
History written today on those forgotten life was based on very educated guess and available proof and legends or stories. There were some truth in legend, as there were some lies in history.
History written today on today's history are still written by those with the power. News as we know it never reveal the 100% of reality and fact. You can just read between the line the tone and the subjectiveness of the writer, and the hidden agenda. And those not deemed worthy of news will never made it into current history, just as the same as those conquered people. They are there, the events are there, the facts are there - but no one knows. So in a sense, they never happen.
In milleniums of human history, millions of events were there that went unknown. If what we are today are shaped of what we are in the previous time, then what we are today has lots of missing pieces in it.
Thursday, January 20
Divine jokes (?) - 2
Let's talk about sex. For reproductive purpose, that is.
At times I thought what a joke woman is. Albeit a divine one. I guess we can all agree that breasts are the number one sexual fascination both for women and men alike. The fact that they were firstly created as reproductive organ is generally swept to the back of our conscious. After all, the visual effect such creation brings to human mind and body is simply overwhelming and to be fully aware of their main function as the source of nutrition for babies is, well, rather a joke.
But yet, that's what they are: nutrition source. The woman mammal's job in the reproductive section of life is this: bearing offspring - normally one at a time, and nurse it. Nursing baby. THAT's the main reason for breasts.
Okay, males of the species, help me out here. What do you feel at that? To see your plaything changed into life nurturing device? Not to mention off limit for a certain period of time when it's doing its divine job.
And here's the punch line: nursing breasts are big. They can be enourmous, even. For women with AA-cup, we all know how we feel about engorged breast full of milk, don't we? What a spectacle. What a spectacle indeed.
Breasts, at their fullest (natural) size in a woman's life is off limit to her male counterpart. Because they're for the baby, not the daddy. Watch them, be fond of them, even amazed by them. But keep out of them, will ya!
At times I thought what a joke woman is. Albeit a divine one. I guess we can all agree that breasts are the number one sexual fascination both for women and men alike. The fact that they were firstly created as reproductive organ is generally swept to the back of our conscious. After all, the visual effect such creation brings to human mind and body is simply overwhelming and to be fully aware of their main function as the source of nutrition for babies is, well, rather a joke.
But yet, that's what they are: nutrition source. The woman mammal's job in the reproductive section of life is this: bearing offspring - normally one at a time, and nurse it. Nursing baby. THAT's the main reason for breasts.
Okay, males of the species, help me out here. What do you feel at that? To see your plaything changed into life nurturing device? Not to mention off limit for a certain period of time when it's doing its divine job.
And here's the punch line: nursing breasts are big. They can be enourmous, even. For women with AA-cup, we all know how we feel about engorged breast full of milk, don't we? What a spectacle. What a spectacle indeed.
Breasts, at their fullest (natural) size in a woman's life is off limit to her male counterpart. Because they're for the baby, not the daddy. Watch them, be fond of them, even amazed by them. But keep out of them, will ya!
Picture of my hubby
I've been staring for minutes at my hubby's picture. The date caption stated: 18 02 03. February. In Malmoe. Pilsdamparken Malmoe. Snow behind him. Beneath him. The yellow glow of afternoon lights from the city's buildings far away as his background.
He was naked to the waist. A six-packer at that time. Taut body. Cropped hair. Little smile (bearing the cold, I guess?). Black leather necklace and silver pendant.
(Let's go home and cuddle)
He was naked to the waist. A six-packer at that time. Taut body. Cropped hair. Little smile (bearing the cold, I guess?). Black leather necklace and silver pendant.
(Let's go home and cuddle)
Surprise in a bite
I ran our of mayonaise for my egg sandwich this morning. Among the choices I had were thousand islands dressing, blue cheese dressing, american mustard, dijon mustard, and the ever classic tomato sauce. I thought thousand islands would taste funny with egg, so would blue cheese. And I'm a bit weary of tomato sauce. American mustard is best with hotdog, not egg. So I opted for Dijon mustard. A mistake.
I just taken a bite of that sandwich and something bit me back. That was the kick of the mustard. Okay, I've heard of some type of mustard that kicks you, but I was not aware it would be this one. Luckily, I have a sachet of tomato sauce stashed in my desk.
Some food really bite you back. One is the killer peanut my friend brought from her trip from Bangkok. Thanks to that undeciphered thai writings and its lost warning, we all got almost murdered when taking that bite of peanuts. It was wasabi-coated peanut. The wasabi. Ever heard of it? That's a Japanese equivalent of Jalapeno, perhaps. That peanut EXPLODES in your mouth. It gives you a sharp numbing sensation followed by a tingy surge into your nose. A trully wake-up call, unbeatable. Shocking therapy indeed.
Another is that innocent looking dried red szechuan chilli. Tempting. It, too, explodes. Find some in the yummy dish of chicken and 'mede' nut. Peppered with the chilli. A mistake to munch one, better leave if as adornment or simply seasoning.
As for the Jalapeno, I am yet to meet one.
Happy eating, friends.
I just taken a bite of that sandwich and something bit me back. That was the kick of the mustard. Okay, I've heard of some type of mustard that kicks you, but I was not aware it would be this one. Luckily, I have a sachet of tomato sauce stashed in my desk.
Some food really bite you back. One is the killer peanut my friend brought from her trip from Bangkok. Thanks to that undeciphered thai writings and its lost warning, we all got almost murdered when taking that bite of peanuts. It was wasabi-coated peanut. The wasabi. Ever heard of it? That's a Japanese equivalent of Jalapeno, perhaps. That peanut EXPLODES in your mouth. It gives you a sharp numbing sensation followed by a tingy surge into your nose. A trully wake-up call, unbeatable. Shocking therapy indeed.
Another is that innocent looking dried red szechuan chilli. Tempting. It, too, explodes. Find some in the yummy dish of chicken and 'mede' nut. Peppered with the chilli. A mistake to munch one, better leave if as adornment or simply seasoning.
As for the Jalapeno, I am yet to meet one.
Happy eating, friends.
Wednesday, January 19
Banjir and all that problems
Seperti biasa, kotaku ini kalo ujan banjir. Tahunan. TAHUNAN. Heran. Dan sampe sekarang gak ada pemecahannya. Heran. Tu gubernur kayanya ampun2an. Pejabat juga. Mobil mereka satu aja dijual, bisa buat mbetulin tanggul sepanjang sekian meter, mungkin. Tapi itu mah gak usah dibahas lagi. Sampe sakit gigi, rambut rontok, badan kudisan juga gak mempan.
Pokoke Jakarta banjir. Nyebelin, dan kesian juga orang2 yang hidup di daerah banjir.
Sakit atilah kl ngomongin problema kota. Itu aja buat aku yang hidup relatif damai tentram sejahtera. Gak taulah kalo orang2 yang hidup susah. Yang hepi aja susah di kota ini. Bis gak beres, gak ada mass transport yang bener, gak ada sistem yang bener, gak ada penegakan hukum yg bener, gak ada yang bener. Oh emang, segala ada. Tapi harus ada duitnya juga. Cantik di sebagian tempat dan amat sangat korengan di tempat lain.
jaguar and bajaj / bemo
highrises and slum
blue swimming pools and black stinky rivers
half a million rps dinner per plate and daily wages of ten thousands rps
oh.. you name it
buteg gw lah......
better go home, take a nap
Pokoke Jakarta banjir. Nyebelin, dan kesian juga orang2 yang hidup di daerah banjir.
Sakit atilah kl ngomongin problema kota. Itu aja buat aku yang hidup relatif damai tentram sejahtera. Gak taulah kalo orang2 yang hidup susah. Yang hepi aja susah di kota ini. Bis gak beres, gak ada mass transport yang bener, gak ada sistem yang bener, gak ada penegakan hukum yg bener, gak ada yang bener. Oh emang, segala ada. Tapi harus ada duitnya juga. Cantik di sebagian tempat dan amat sangat korengan di tempat lain.
jaguar and bajaj / bemo
highrises and slum
blue swimming pools and black stinky rivers
half a million rps dinner per plate and daily wages of ten thousands rps
oh.. you name it
buteg gw lah......
better go home, take a nap
Tuesday, January 18
It's raining this morning
Sudah hujan sejak semalam, hujan deras dengan suara jutaan titik air jatuh. Lucunya, hujan deras itu berjeda, dan aku jadi teringat salah satu permainan di "Takeshi Castle": Daruma jatuh. Seolah ada yang mengkomandoi hujan untuk hujan-hujan-hujan-hujan-hujan-berhenti! Deras-deras-deras-deras-deras-berhenti!
Untuk orang yang menyenangi hujan dalam segala bentuk dan suaranya, aku hepi2 aja hari ini hujan. Tapi, hehe, kasian temen2 yang naek motor, naek bis, naek ojeg dll. Buasahhhh!
Biarlah. Hidup bermacam warna dan sensasi kan? Sekarang di luar sana dunia abu2 dan basah dan dingin. Dan seperti banyak hal dalam hidup juga, ketika ada yang dirugikan juga pasti ada yang diuntungkan dengan hujan.
Selamat pagi semua. Dan selamat menikmati hidup hari ini.
Untuk orang yang menyenangi hujan dalam segala bentuk dan suaranya, aku hepi2 aja hari ini hujan. Tapi, hehe, kasian temen2 yang naek motor, naek bis, naek ojeg dll. Buasahhhh!
Biarlah. Hidup bermacam warna dan sensasi kan? Sekarang di luar sana dunia abu2 dan basah dan dingin. Dan seperti banyak hal dalam hidup juga, ketika ada yang dirugikan juga pasti ada yang diuntungkan dengan hujan.
Selamat pagi semua. Dan selamat menikmati hidup hari ini.
Monday, January 17
Pregnancy update
I am now in my 15 weeks gestation. The baby's kicking well, the mommy is kicking not very well (still have nausea, still have to rest a lot, and still have that taut feeling on my right lower abdomen). I have to drink a lot 'cause there's too little water in my sac. I got spotting again last Saturday - but the doctor said it was not serious.
That's all. Oh, we brought our twins to see the USG monitor. Thrilled them alright!
That's all. Oh, we brought our twins to see the USG monitor. Thrilled them alright!
Friday, January 14
Divine jokes (?)
The world of male and female is not a simple one. Especially in human, when the biological evolution has made human in such an advanced state that sex is no longer simply to copulate and populate. And in it complexity also that the male species of human is bigger than the female, suggesting that male is the stronger half.
It ain't always so in the animal world. For the sake of ensuring the continuity of the species, thru population, some males serves the only purpose of making sure that reproductive process is running. I just read in NatGeo Feb04 edition that a kind of seaworm devouring whale fall first found to be all female. Where were the males? They were eventually found living inside the female tube, living on the female' eggyolk, giving sperm. They'd die when they run out of yolk.
Female praying mantis devours its mate after copulation, and keeps him for her meal during pregnancy.
The black widow is operating about the same way: keeping the male as snack she munches along.
Angler fish, the monstrous angler fish (just in case you wonder how an angler fish looks like, watch Finding Nemo. It's that scary, long-teeth fish Nemo and Dori find at the bottom of the sea when it's dark and they saw this beautiful light), its male is so small and soon perishes leaving only testacles attached to the female.
But oh how things are so different in the human world. Sets of rules, mores, concensus, have made male the stronger and more powerful half. But reproductively speaking, are they?
(to be continued)
It ain't always so in the animal world. For the sake of ensuring the continuity of the species, thru population, some males serves the only purpose of making sure that reproductive process is running. I just read in NatGeo Feb04 edition that a kind of seaworm devouring whale fall first found to be all female. Where were the males? They were eventually found living inside the female tube, living on the female' eggyolk, giving sperm. They'd die when they run out of yolk.
Female praying mantis devours its mate after copulation, and keeps him for her meal during pregnancy.
The black widow is operating about the same way: keeping the male as snack she munches along.
Angler fish, the monstrous angler fish (just in case you wonder how an angler fish looks like, watch Finding Nemo. It's that scary, long-teeth fish Nemo and Dori find at the bottom of the sea when it's dark and they saw this beautiful light), its male is so small and soon perishes leaving only testacles attached to the female.
But oh how things are so different in the human world. Sets of rules, mores, concensus, have made male the stronger and more powerful half. But reproductively speaking, are they?
(to be continued)
Thursday, January 13
- sigh -
they will put on their party dresses tonight
eating at a fancy dinner
entertained with music and all
but i won't be
they will dance afterwards
losing theirselves to the beat
moving and bursting with energy
but i won't be
they will wake up with headache tomorrow
residue of lack of sleep
and go on to take that tour
but i won't be
eating at a fancy dinner
entertained with music and all
but i won't be
they will dance afterwards
losing theirselves to the beat
moving and bursting with energy
but i won't be
they will wake up with headache tomorrow
residue of lack of sleep
and go on to take that tour
but i won't be
Perpetual state of messiness
That what my working desk is. I just finished tidying the file up, mind you, a job that took hours. And voila! The stack was reduced, allright, to about half of its size. But that's all. No sense of a new look, no sense of 'just been tidied up', no sense of cleanliness or orderliness whatsoever.
Perhaps it mirrors the owner: just as random, as messy, and 'deviated'. I wonder what a psychologist would think of me and my desk (and my room at home, for that matter).
Once, my eldest brother, being asked by his friend whether he had a little sister or not, answered this: nope, I don't. I have a little pirate, though. He illustrated my room at that time as "a ship just wrecked by pirate".
That's just how I like it, if only with a bit of clearer 'classification of mess' of the things lying around. (My poor dear husband is already given up on me and my mess. Has taken it as something that he just have to live with, I guess.)
On the other tip of the scale, there are people who keeps his desk so spotless and tidy is eerie. I call them 'neat freak'. No offense, but in my very personal opinion, you can't be in your right mind to have such desk. No stray of paper, no misplaced paper clips, sharp pencil and pens in their correct place. Geez..... the world according to them must have trees of the same height planted with exactly the same space between them. Like I said: eerie. Perpetual state of correctness - that's one world I don't want to live in.
But again, everybody is entitled to have his own way of living, don't they? I don't have to like it or even agree with it, but I will give them space nonetheless.
Don't you think a world will be such a beautiful place if people could do just that: give other people space and let them be?
Me and my perpetual state of messiness - take it, or leave it.
Perhaps it mirrors the owner: just as random, as messy, and 'deviated'. I wonder what a psychologist would think of me and my desk (and my room at home, for that matter).
Once, my eldest brother, being asked by his friend whether he had a little sister or not, answered this: nope, I don't. I have a little pirate, though. He illustrated my room at that time as "a ship just wrecked by pirate".
That's just how I like it, if only with a bit of clearer 'classification of mess' of the things lying around. (My poor dear husband is already given up on me and my mess. Has taken it as something that he just have to live with, I guess.)
On the other tip of the scale, there are people who keeps his desk so spotless and tidy is eerie. I call them 'neat freak'. No offense, but in my very personal opinion, you can't be in your right mind to have such desk. No stray of paper, no misplaced paper clips, sharp pencil and pens in their correct place. Geez..... the world according to them must have trees of the same height planted with exactly the same space between them. Like I said: eerie. Perpetual state of correctness - that's one world I don't want to live in.
But again, everybody is entitled to have his own way of living, don't they? I don't have to like it or even agree with it, but I will give them space nonetheless.
Don't you think a world will be such a beautiful place if people could do just that: give other people space and let them be?
Me and my perpetual state of messiness - take it, or leave it.
Envy
Envy is a dangerous feeling. It's dark, seeps slowly, and leaves a coldness in your heart. Well, you may not agree with me, but that's what I feel.
Envy is when you want something real bad and cannot have it but others have it instead. Envy is wanting things you can't have or shouldn't have.
Where does it come from? From not counting my blessings enough.
So remind me to do just that: stop, and count my blessings. Because I have a lot already. And wanting more wouldn't do anything good.
(Will I ever reach that enlightened state of not wanting anything anymore and be content with what I have already had? To savour every grain, every second, and be thankful for it?)
Envy is when you want something real bad and cannot have it but others have it instead. Envy is wanting things you can't have or shouldn't have.
Where does it come from? From not counting my blessings enough.
So remind me to do just that: stop, and count my blessings. Because I have a lot already. And wanting more wouldn't do anything good.
(Will I ever reach that enlightened state of not wanting anything anymore and be content with what I have already had? To savour every grain, every second, and be thankful for it?)
Contagious (the uniqueness of words)
Ever noticed that the way you talk, or the words you use, are contagious? Say you have quite close friends, those you talk to regularly for hours on end almost everyday. Just look, pretty soon you'll be using the same words.
A closer look would reveal that it happens only if you're pretty close together, in a sense that you are buddies. If not, well, it won't catch.
In a chat situation, when you don't see the person you talk to, you can identify him/her by the words, or the way that person's typing the words.
I have a friend who alwasy types "iyya" for ya. And some other unique ways of typing ordinary words. Some others have unique buzz word, so I know it's her even when she's using other identity.
Guess if you are a regular reader of this blog, you'll find my 'passwords' too.
Have a nice life, dear friends.
A closer look would reveal that it happens only if you're pretty close together, in a sense that you are buddies. If not, well, it won't catch.
In a chat situation, when you don't see the person you talk to, you can identify him/her by the words, or the way that person's typing the words.
I have a friend who alwasy types "iyya" for ya. And some other unique ways of typing ordinary words. Some others have unique buzz word, so I know it's her even when she's using other identity.
Guess if you are a regular reader of this blog, you'll find my 'passwords' too.
Have a nice life, dear friends.
Wednesday, January 12
Lullaby
Something is wrong with this office.
These past days (or is it even weeks?), I found myself so sleepy all the time. The whole time. I've turned on 'beat' music, walked around, drew pictures, even seriously dip myself in works - nothing has helped.
And I am now already sleepy again. It's not yet 9 in the morning; 4pm is still gazillions seconds away. Gosh....
(I wish I was away in a plane to Bali, not for the meeting, but for dipping into the swimming pool and burn myself under the sun. Paint my nails, put temporary tattoo on my back, walk around with bikini top or backless sun dress, wearing sandals or even barefoot, play on the beach, look at coconut trees framing the sky, parasailing, go out to sea, stare at the sun setting down, stare at the sky with moon and stars, listen to the sound of the waves, feel the wind, feel the sand, let my mind goes blank.)
These past days (or is it even weeks?), I found myself so sleepy all the time. The whole time. I've turned on 'beat' music, walked around, drew pictures, even seriously dip myself in works - nothing has helped.
And I am now already sleepy again. It's not yet 9 in the morning; 4pm is still gazillions seconds away. Gosh....
(I wish I was away in a plane to Bali, not for the meeting, but for dipping into the swimming pool and burn myself under the sun. Paint my nails, put temporary tattoo on my back, walk around with bikini top or backless sun dress, wearing sandals or even barefoot, play on the beach, look at coconut trees framing the sky, parasailing, go out to sea, stare at the sun setting down, stare at the sky with moon and stars, listen to the sound of the waves, feel the wind, feel the sand, let my mind goes blank.)
Tuesday, January 11
Why am I so interested in madness?
Iya, kenapa? Salah satu buku favorit aku adalah Veronika Decides to Die. Ia masuk rumah sakit jiwa karena mencoba bunuh diri. Dan di buku itu aku bisa baca ttg 'normal' dan 'gila'.
Cerita lain yang aku suka banget adalah Diary of A Madman. Tragis.
Otak manusia itu menakjubkan, kan? Apalagi otak yang 'sakit'. Orang sizofren melihat benda yang gak ada senyata orang normal melihat benda yang benar2 nyata. Setidaknya respon otaknya sama. BTW, dari mana kita tahu yg kita liat itu nyata / enggak? Karena 99 dari 100 orang juga liat? Dan maka hal itu jadi kenyataan? Gimana kalo ternyata yang bener yang 1 orang, dan bukan yang 99? Padahal nilai normal berarti sesuatu yang berlaku umum, konsensus, yang terus jadi nilai. Maka yang 99 yang salah itu normal (=benar) dan yang 1 yang benar itu abnormal (=salah).
Aku pernah, waktu SD, jadi satu2nya orang di antara sekitar 40 yang menjawab "TIDAK" ketika yang lain berkata "YA". Pertanyaannya adalah ini, diajukan oleh guru IPA-ku, "apakah gula hilang ketika kita aduk di dalam air?". Okay, pengalaman itu bener2 menyeramkan. Satu suara, tenggelam di antara konformitas. Dan parahnya lagi, waktu itu aku duduk di belakang, dan aku harus TERIAK untuk menyampaikan pendapatku yang satu2nya itu. Dan teriakanku makin lama makin lemah, dan aku makin ragu, tapi gak (belum) sampe berubah. And you know what? AKU YANG BENAR. 1/40. Abnormal, tapi benar.
Back to madness. Ketika nilai normal ditentukan dari mayoritas, dan bukan kebenaran mutlak, siapa yang gila dan siapa yang bukan?
Dalam hidup kamu harus konform, katanya. Dan memang sepertinya begitu. Orang2 yang pintar bergaul itu bisa mengambil (adopt) nilai2 normal dan terus jadi dirinya sendiri (mungkin). Aku gak begitu. Sampe hari ini, aku masih jadi 1/40. Gilakah? Atau justru yang benar?
Cerita lain yang aku suka banget adalah Diary of A Madman. Tragis.
Otak manusia itu menakjubkan, kan? Apalagi otak yang 'sakit'. Orang sizofren melihat benda yang gak ada senyata orang normal melihat benda yang benar2 nyata. Setidaknya respon otaknya sama. BTW, dari mana kita tahu yg kita liat itu nyata / enggak? Karena 99 dari 100 orang juga liat? Dan maka hal itu jadi kenyataan? Gimana kalo ternyata yang bener yang 1 orang, dan bukan yang 99? Padahal nilai normal berarti sesuatu yang berlaku umum, konsensus, yang terus jadi nilai. Maka yang 99 yang salah itu normal (=benar) dan yang 1 yang benar itu abnormal (=salah).
Aku pernah, waktu SD, jadi satu2nya orang di antara sekitar 40 yang menjawab "TIDAK" ketika yang lain berkata "YA". Pertanyaannya adalah ini, diajukan oleh guru IPA-ku, "apakah gula hilang ketika kita aduk di dalam air?". Okay, pengalaman itu bener2 menyeramkan. Satu suara, tenggelam di antara konformitas. Dan parahnya lagi, waktu itu aku duduk di belakang, dan aku harus TERIAK untuk menyampaikan pendapatku yang satu2nya itu. Dan teriakanku makin lama makin lemah, dan aku makin ragu, tapi gak (belum) sampe berubah. And you know what? AKU YANG BENAR. 1/40. Abnormal, tapi benar.
Back to madness. Ketika nilai normal ditentukan dari mayoritas, dan bukan kebenaran mutlak, siapa yang gila dan siapa yang bukan?
Dalam hidup kamu harus konform, katanya. Dan memang sepertinya begitu. Orang2 yang pintar bergaul itu bisa mengambil (adopt) nilai2 normal dan terus jadi dirinya sendiri (mungkin). Aku gak begitu. Sampe hari ini, aku masih jadi 1/40. Gilakah? Atau justru yang benar?
Monday, January 10
dim sum
So, I had a date with my hubby this lunch. Eating dim sum. Nice chinese resto next to my office. PERFECTO!
Few things feels more than a perfect meal with a perfect companion.
Thanks for the time, Ki! Luv ya!
Few things feels more than a perfect meal with a perfect companion.
Thanks for the time, Ki! Luv ya!
Thursday, January 6
The bubble I live in
I live in a bubble
That lets me see things around me
Without really touching nor experiencing
I live a protected live
What do I know of hurt, disaster and loss?
That lets me see things around me
Without really touching nor experiencing
I live a protected live
What do I know of hurt, disaster and loss?
Wednesday, January 5
No idea for today
Okay, this is a rather rare situation, but I am at loss of idea of what to write. Perhaps it has something to do with being pregnant. I read somewhere that the volume of woman's brain is shrinking a bit when she's pregnant. Not a pretty knowledge, eih? Perhaps then it explains the increasing incidences of absent-mindedness and 'slow-to-respond'ness I am experiencing. By the way, I am always absent minded anyway - pregnant or not.
What's happening to me nowadays is this: munching all the time throught the day, from breakfast time to afternoon. Then nausea in the evening, and stop eating by 7pm. Eat beyond that hour, and guaranteed I'll be throwing up and having troube sleeping due to stomach discomfort.
Oh, I am no longer so pukey, thanks God. Just in the evening, starting at dusk. Well, as long as nobodody is frying anything or cooking with garlic. I HATE garlic. I would painstakingly pick out every slice of garlic I can identify from my food.
I don't have craving, so far. But for several times now I've been dreaming of a nice meal of dim sum at a nice chinese restaurant. A bit on the expensive side, perhaps. But truly delicious, of course. Once I am feeling quite normal again, I'll attack the dimsum. Just watch me.
Well, that's all for no idea for today.
What's happening to me nowadays is this: munching all the time throught the day, from breakfast time to afternoon. Then nausea in the evening, and stop eating by 7pm. Eat beyond that hour, and guaranteed I'll be throwing up and having troube sleeping due to stomach discomfort.
Oh, I am no longer so pukey, thanks God. Just in the evening, starting at dusk. Well, as long as nobodody is frying anything or cooking with garlic. I HATE garlic. I would painstakingly pick out every slice of garlic I can identify from my food.
I don't have craving, so far. But for several times now I've been dreaming of a nice meal of dim sum at a nice chinese restaurant. A bit on the expensive side, perhaps. But truly delicious, of course. Once I am feeling quite normal again, I'll attack the dimsum. Just watch me.
Well, that's all for no idea for today.
Tuesday, January 4
Parallel universe - a chance for another life
If given the chance to live in a parallel universe, where you are you but you have different life, what would you have?
Would you opt for a different lover / husband? Different work? More kids or less? What life would you prefer to have apart from this one?
At this second today, this is the very life I want. I am very fortunate to be able to say that I am content with what I have, what I am. Life has been good to me. Love has been good to me.
I am an ordinary person, living an ordinary life, with ordinary living. But yet I am distinct. As you are. Everybody is.
Given the chance of a parallel live, well.. I don't know. This is the only life I know, and I like it. There are some instances in this life that I would like to change, but not the life itself.
Would you opt for a different lover / husband? Different work? More kids or less? What life would you prefer to have apart from this one?
At this second today, this is the very life I want. I am very fortunate to be able to say that I am content with what I have, what I am. Life has been good to me. Love has been good to me.
I am an ordinary person, living an ordinary life, with ordinary living. But yet I am distinct. As you are. Everybody is.
Given the chance of a parallel live, well.. I don't know. This is the only life I know, and I like it. There are some instances in this life that I would like to change, but not the life itself.
Monday, January 3
New day dawning
It's the first day of work in the year 2005. So, what's my resolution? Simple, and yet so daunting: NO MORE PUTTING OFF!
I am a chronic procastinator. My rule is (was, I mean it WAS): why bother doing it now if it can wait till tomorrow? Well, based on experience, the "tomorrow" sometimes held its suprises and bad things happened to the 'supposed to be done tomorrow' things.
Just that one resolution. Wish me luck (and strength).
I am a chronic procastinator. My rule is (was, I mean it WAS): why bother doing it now if it can wait till tomorrow? Well, based on experience, the "tomorrow" sometimes held its suprises and bad things happened to the 'supposed to be done tomorrow' things.
Just that one resolution. Wish me luck (and strength).
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