a vacation called medical leave

nobody wants to get sick. it's sickening to get sick. it's tiring, and definitely uncomfortable.
and for a mega lover of comfort like me, being uncomfortable is enough to make sick sicker.

and yet.. I just 'enjoyed' a long sick leave that felt almost like a holiday. [this was in november, actually]

it started with diarrhea. not a pretty condition - a condition that one would rather hide than tell.
i got it for three days before i saw a doctor. she gave me anti-biotic and diarrhea stopper. it did not work.
after another three day, i saw another doctor, a specialist. he gave me stronger medicine and diarrhea stopper. i was getting worse.
on the third day of this stronger medicine, i started vomiting. i saw that doctor again. i lost 1 kg in 3 days. i was barely eating, and i started to feel cramps in my leg. he told me to be hospitalized.

and thus the medical holiday began. i checked in a VIP room due to the Class 1 was full.
i was hooked on IV drips. bombed with IV-ed heavy medicine. saturated with potent anti-nausea that was used on cancer patient.
going yet another 3 days and i still had them: those nasty diarrhea, vomiting, plus rumbling stomach.

okay, that baffled the doctor. he proposed endoscopy and... (forgot what it's called), as to be able to see the whole of my digestive system. but then, he poked my stomach again. and then we found it: appendicitis.

how funny was that? that lengthy Gastroenteritis turned out to be chronic (and acute) appendicitis.
so, more examination followed, including the 'barium-contrast x-ray' that I avoided. yep, appendicitis it was.
so then i have may laparascopic appendicitis.

how could that be called a holiday?
this is how: coz by staying for 8 days in hospital, i had my escape from the office work. there was a lot of me-time. i am a master of doing nothing, and when i was hospitalized, there were a lot of moments of doing nothing.

okay, honest be told, staying in hospital is no holiday. in holiday, you won't be woken up in the middle of the night to have your dose of medicine, despite it's being put into the IV drips. you don't got poked every day by doctors (yeah, since it was found that i got appendicitis, i was handled by 2 doctors). you don't wake up feeling a mix of emotions as the one next door was literally howling in pain. and you don't get to see people rushing as someone condition worsened and they reeled him into the ICU. nope.

but yeah, there were some perks, too, like the heated operation theater bed, the heated blanket for post-operation, the bed that can electronically be lowered and adjusted, and the choice you were offered for your meals.

and as in all vacation, sometimes you'd rather not know how much you pay in the end. insurance covers some, but not all. cross my fingers i'm not breaking my banks for this.

adab yang tak teraih

saya pikir, dengan makin beragamanya orang, makin bermoral lah manusia, dan makin baiklah akhlaknya

saya salah, rasanya

mesjid yang semakin banyak berdiri, bahkan sepertinya di jakarta setiap RT punya mesjid sendiri, tak juga membuat orang lebih baik. lebih baik bagi saya diartikan dengan lebih menjaga perasaan orang lain, lebih membantu orang lain, lebih bersikap sopan pada orang lain, dan mengakui serta menghormati keberadaan orang lain. orang yang lain dengan mereka, orang yang lain dengan kita.

yang kasat mata adalah toleransi yang menurun, pemaksaan yang meningkat, ancaman2 baik halus maupun terang2an yang makin merajalela, dan moral yang tak juga membaik, serta kesopanan yang luntur.

hal2 sederhana seperti menjaga kebersihan (= menghormati diri sendiri dan orang lain), mengantri dengan baik (= menghargai hak orang yang sudah lebih dulu datang dari kita), mengucapkan terima kasih, meminta maaf, mengucap 'permisi' adalah hal yg tidak cukup seksi untuk diajarkan di mesjid2. tidak glamor, tidak megah. menaati peraturan yang dibuat manusia demi keamanan dan kenyamanan bersama nampaknya tidak menjadi prioritas, peraturan Tuhan saja yang perlu.

apakah lupa bahwa sebelum bertemu Tuhan, kita hidup bersanding dengan sesama?

tentu salah berkata bahwa semua orang seperti itu
tentunya banyak yang betul2 baik dan betul2 apik dalam bersikap
tapi hari ini saya memutuskan pesimis dan berkata: orang2 seperti itu semakin dikit jumlahnya, dan semakin tak terlihat.

dan negeri ini akan semakin tak beradab.

a big kid

some years ago, when my boss was asked to describe me by one of our colleagues in not-so-distant place, he told her: 'she's like a big kid. she talks to people just like that, regardless of who they are'.

i was not sure whether to take it as a compliment or to see it as something that i needed to work on in my personality.

yeah, sure. i still look and behave, perhaps, like a big kid.
i am not quite competent at hiding my feelings, nor to talk 'nicely'.
i show my feelings, and talk my feelings out. no pretense. no icing.

i'm easily got happy or excited about something as easily as i got anxious about something
you don't have to elaborate on the things that make me happy, coz i would just tell you. easy, huh?
same with things i don't like. it's no quiz at all. i'll tell you right away.
don't try to surprise me too much. i'm not too good with pretending i like it when i don't. so the surprise would then be yours. my loving husband, with all his good intentions, is a living testimony to that. bless his nice soul and his endevour to always make me happy.

so it's a puzzle to me why people's relations have to be so complicated
you say things nicely about something while you only mean less than half of it
you put up polite face while your heart is seething and your brain is protesting
you smile at things you don't like and comment as if it's the most facinating things you've ever seen
you make an elaborate paremeter of what makes you happy. you measure your succes, your wealth, how your kids are in school, what your bag (and its brand) is holding.

i just want to be happy. simply happy.
kiddy happy. when i want A and i got A. when I want love and I have love.
when I don't care about what others are having, coz they are not relevant to me.
no, i won't trade that kid in me for anything. coz I am happy.

and the next time you think i'm too frank... well i'm frank.
if you need sugar-laced truth, talk to someone else.

/live happy!

bilingual

sekolah2 endonesa, terutama yang di jakarta, nampaknya lagi 'keblinger' dengan tema bilingual.
di sekolah2 rsbi (rintisan sekolah bertaraf [berstandar?] internasional) dijanjikan kelas2 pelajaran tertentu bilingual. dikebutlah pendidikan guru2 untuk bisa berbahasa inggris. atau dipanggillah 'native' untuk memberikan kelas tambahan. jangan salah, 'native' kadang2 bisa saja orang filipina. dan kurang jelas juga apakah beliau ini punya sertifikasi ESL (english as second language) dan bukan sekedar EFL (english as foreign language).

saya ga mo panjang2 ttg rsbi. yang mo saya bahas konsep bilingual.

orang endosa seharusnya bangga. terlahir sebagai orang endonesa, pada umumnya kita brojol memasuki dunia yang sudah bilingual. eits, jangan protes dulu. dipikir bilingual itu berarti bahasa endonesa dan bahasa inggris saja? salah besar.....

menurut webster dictionary online, salah satu definisi bilingual adalah:
using or able to use two languages especially with equal fluency
yang artinya mampu menggunakan dua bahasa dengan sama fasihnya

dipikir orang2 sunda yang lahir di bandung dan sehari2 berbahasa sunda dengan orang rumah, dan berbahasa endonesa di sekolah ga bilingual? dipikir orang2 jawa hari2nya berbahasa jawa (dengan segala dialeknya) dan berbahasa endonesa di lingkup formal ga bilingual? dst.......

saya juga baru sadar akan hal ini, saat hadir di suatu pertemuan yang dihadiri penerjemah dan pemerhati bahasa. ada yang bilang, kurang lebih: orang 'bule' itu iri dengan kita, sebetulnya, karena banyak dari kita yang bilingual dari kecil.

nah.

masih keblinger dengan bilingual? ga usahlah. wong dengan belajar bahasa asing tambahan ternyata orang endonesa itu sudah jadi trilingual.

salam.

emang dasar niat gampang luntur

begitulah saya
janjinya mo nulis tiap hari
hm

janjinya ditawar jadi nulis seminggu dua kali
hm

ditawar lagi jadi seminggu sekali
hm?

dan kenyataannya hanya nulis klo mood ajah

sebetulnya
nulis itu terapi juga
ya, sesi curhat pribadi lah
tanpa audiens yang jelas

sukur ada yang baca
(MAUnya ada yang baca)
engga juga gapapa
(gapapa itu klo hati saya lagi damai)

begitulah saya