Soul

to fly, to float, nothing holding me back
to reach the sky, be as light as air
to not feel anything, yet be content
to stop want anything and just be a soul
living, throbing, shining
a distant star
eternal

Wrong!

This is one of those days when things seem so wrong. My feeling was wrong, the taksi I rode in was wrong, the cake I ordered for my daughter's birthday may not be the one she wants, and my desk at the office had a feeling of resistance in it.

Hope things will be right in the end.

Life is good

I started today feeling good. Life is good, today is good.

My life has been beautiful to me. Life has been kind to me. A loving husband, three beautiful daughters, caring parents, and a bunch of brothers along with their families. Stable work, nice boss, colleagues that may not understand me but leave me alone in the end, some close friends (so close I'm addicted to them). It's simply complete.

We haven't got our own home yet, but with God's willing, and our serious intention, we'll get it. Pretty soon.

When you are feeling good, everything looks good. All the colors you see, all the sights, the fragrances, even people. Grumpy friends don't look so grumpy anymore. My cluttered desk seems just okay. Life is to smile about today.

Hope this feeling lingers, on and on. So I may see life as it is: beautiful.

New Day

Today is a new day.

I think it's a blessing to be able to feel that, that today is a new day, not just any other day in the calendar. It shows that our hearts can still feel, that we're not yet lost in the grind of everyday's life. That whatever happened before, we can still look forward to something better, something 'gooder'.

So today is a new day. New things will be done, new feelings arise. Problems will be there, along with their solutions. Something different will happen, no matter how subtle.

Have a nice new day, dear friends.

Set them free?

If you love someone, set them free....

So the music says. Can you do that, really? Can you love without being somewhat possesive? What does it mean to love? Does it to also own?

No more redhead

Ok, no more red head today, despite the name Sapobi which means exactly that.

I've hightlighted my hair BLONDE. Bleached'em, alright. Honestly, I'm a bit anxious of what people would think. But again, it's my life. Any comment welcome, but it's my head in the end.

Love y'all. Everyday and twice on Sundays.

Falling in love

How many times do you think a person can fall in love in his/her entire life? And to fall in love with the same person?

You may love someone for so many years, but to fall again? What does it mean? I guess it's the sparks, the beats that you feel in your heart - which are different that what you feel normally.

I guess I fall in love again with my hubby of eigth years. To look at him and feel so..... warm. To feel "that" again. It's a blessing, really.

Hope you can have it, too.

Disconnected

Our office connection would be down starting noon today. Many applications would be disabled as they required either internet or intranet connection. Thus I will be disconnected with the whole wide world out there starting 12.00 today.

Funny how this thing we call computers have so great an impact in our life. At leat, working life.

So there is the chance to do manual works, like cleaning up the desk, filing, or - well, we can still use the comp for typing and things like that.

Have a jolly good day my friends. Connected or diconnected.

Questions

What to do when you don't know what to do? That something presents itself out of nowhere and somehow makes you feel trapped? What to do when the thing you thought you'd like to have appears in front of you and suddenly you don't know whether you still want it or not?

Live is about making choices, so I believe. Choices choices choices... so many of them, from the most subtle to the most extreme. I think one can only hope that whatever choice one makes, it would be the best one that could bring better situation. You always loose some and win some. We hope with our heart that whatever we choose would give us more rather than make us loose.

The choice is yours.

Things I want to do

These are some things I want to do, some seriously, some just 'dreams':

1. sky dive (tandem would be fine)
2. play the violin
3. learn spanish
4. learn japanese
5. enjoy cooking (at present, I simply hate cooking)
6. be able to fly / float
7. have a library, open for public
8. be my daughters' buddy
9. publish my writings
10. be a translator / interpreter
11. learn painting
12. two weeks vacation in England
13. go to Russia
14. have spike hair and color it

that's all I can think of now.

Enjoy life, carpe diem.

Resep donat

Resep donat yang dibikin mertua gw:

- tepung cakra 1 kg
- gula putih 6 sdm
- fermipan 2-1/4 sdm rata
- garam 1/2 sdm
- mentega cair 200 gr (campur dg air hangat 2 gelas)
- kuning telur 7 butir

1. masukkan tepung de dalam wadah
2. masukkan gula, fermipan, garam, mentega cair dan kuning telur
3. aduk dengan menggunakan tangan, uleni
4. (siapkan loyang rata yg telah dioles minyak goreng)
5. olesi tangan dengan mentega / minyak goreng, ambil sebongkah adonan kira2 sebesar 1 bola golf, bulatkan, lalu (nih dia... susah njelasinnya, you gotta see to understand)'tekuk' adonan ke dalam berkali-kali dengan menggunakan ibu jari dan telunjuk (a demo would be good)
6. setelah adonan licin dan tidak lengket, taruh di atas loyang
7. ambil satu bulatan dan lubangi tengahnya dengan jari
8. (siapkan wajan dengan buanyaaaak minyak - panas api sedang)
9. celupkan adonan donat yang sudah bolong ke dalam minyak
10. masak hingga kecoklatan, angkat dan tiriskan
11. setelah dingin, donat bisa dihias dengan mentega + meijses, keju, atau terserah.

Adonan ini bisa dipakai untuk panada, dengan beda pada cara pengolahan:
7. ambil satu bulatan, pipihkan sedikit
8. taruh isi panada di atas adonan pipih, tutup kembali adonan rapat2 membentuk 'torpedo'
10. gulingkan di putih telur
11. gulingkan di tepung panir
12. goreng di minyak banyak dg api sedang
13. masak hingga kecoklatan, angkat dan tiriskan

Donat jaman sekarang, gak pake ditutupin sebet basah dulu, didiemin sejam. Tinggal goreng, nikmati.

Salam.

I am so dead this morning

For two night straights, my hubby and I had this abnormal nocturnal activities: watching movies and dum dee daa daaa late into the wee hours of the morning. As a family still living under the same roof with my parents, our private moments are scarce. So when they were out of town, party began.....that, after the kids were sound asleep, of course.

So this morning, after only 2 and a half hours of sleep, I woke up at 5.15 as usual, got myself up at 5.30, and left the house at 6.45 (that was late - we usually leave at 6.30 so that my daughter wouldn't be late for school). Mind you, the night before I only got about 5 hours of sleep. Definitely not enough.

Now, my head feels as if some part of it is on the air, floating. My eyes are bleary. I felt cold and was actually trembling for several seconds. Hot chocolate to the rescue! Forget that cold apple I used to have for breakfast. In this state, hot liquid would be a preferred choice.

I don't know how I would survive my day at the office today. Nothing extremely important or urgent today, thanks God. The images playing in my mind are soft cool pillows and nice bed, dim light, no sound, perfect stillness and deep slumber. Yeah, keep on dreaming.

What to do now? I've got reputation to maintain, you see. Cannot just rest my head on my desk and go to Planet Zimbar though it seems like a veeerrry good choice.

OK, I'll stop now. I'll try to survive with whatever energy level and brain capacity left for me this morning.

Have a nice day.

Impossible

This one is taken from Adidas ads:

IMPOSSIBLE is NOTHING.

Quite strong, eh? Try to think it over, deeper, and find the true meaning.

I personally don't think big - small things in live is enough. Like pushing myself to reach 6 floors by stairs every morning before work (once I was to lazy to do), to laugh matters off while my heart is actually seeping with anger, to make donuts, to shutdown my migraine without medicine and using mind power instead, to see the good thing in live no matter what.

Love you all.

Things that make me happy

No particular order

1. the smell of freshly cut grass
2. I love you's
3. kisses
4. a caress in my back
5. smiles in my children's faces
6. sparkles in the eyes of people I care about
7. laughing hard it hurts
8. smoothies
9. soft frozen yoghurt
10. starring at the sky
11. rain
12. my husband's love
13. reading a book with no interruption
14. people saying I am beautiful
15. spring air in my face
16. drizzle
17. thinking, day dreaming, doing nothing
18. writing
19. smell of coffee
20. body scrub followed by body oil (mmmmpppphh)
21. butterfly flying / nesting on a flower
22. warm shower with creamy lather
23. swimming
24. home-made donut (the ones my mother in law make)
25. hugging / spooning with my love
26. travel to new places
27. make people laugh
28. hot chocolate with marshmallow (and a little mint!)
29. cinnamon rolls
30. smell of cinnamon
31. people say I am unique
32. swinging on swings
33. orgasm
34. a cup of sweet corn
35. bump into an old friend that still remembers me
36. my children laughing
37. japanese rice crackers (with those bits of seaweed)
38. music that suits my mood
39. people thanking me for something I did
40. good haircut
41. blueberry flavor
42. see the happines in my beloved
43. singing my heart out - and nobody's laughing
44. relieved from pain

and many more I can't pintpoint.

Be Happy!

Paper and pencil

Yesterday my computer shut down on its own, possibly because of a worm or virus. For several hours it was off limit to me, while the IT people (bless them) tried to fix things up and make sure whatever it was my comp was having wouldn't spread. I felt uprooted. My hands are so used to pushing the keys on the keyboards, my ears to the music played by the cd in the cd drive - non stop starting from 7.30 am, my eyes to the monitor displaying my works. It has so become part of my life here in the office that to not be able to touch it paralyses me.

It felt like part of my brain shut down, too. I was disoriented. What to do? The jealousy of seeing other people staring at their monitors and continue working....creating....or having fun with their e-mails. For several minutes I felt totally lost.

And then something crept in. YO! Life didn't end there. My WORKING life was suspended, for sure, but LIFE? Noooooo.....

I turned to my good ol' jot book that I call "Book of Thoughts" and started reading what I've put in there. Little things. Flights of thoughts, quotation, poems. And this is what I wrote yesterday:

when your computer is down
and electrical things go awry
you long for the comfort of
paper and pencil

BTW, the comp is on again when I was back from lunch. No harm found, it was safe and sound. Life is back to normal again, and I was again connected to this electrical world.

Have a nice day, dear friends. May the force be with you. And keep connected!

Hasrat

dan ada yang pergi
meninggalkan raga
tercerabut dari aliran darah:
pergi sendiri
mencari kesenangannya

(created on May 6, 4.40pm)

Sit beside me, I won't bite

This has happened to me zillions times I lost count. With accuracy of more than 99% (that's better than the protection a condom offers in preventing pregnancy) I can say this: the seat beside me in the bus would be the last one to be occupied.
It happened again this morning. I was riding in this big bus with lots and lots of empty seats. At every stop people were getting on, one by one passing me by. Male, female, corporate workers, students, each one looking for a seat yet persistently avoiding the one next to me. Then came the ultimate chance: no more seat left, and this lady reluctantly took that one.
What is so wrong with that seat next to me? Is it me? Is it my light skin and my highlighted hair that make them think I'm a 'bule' or something - a stranger? Aren't we all strangers? Am I emanating messages that say: Keep Off! Trespasser: Enter at Your Own Risk! Beware of Menacing Dog!....?
Sit beside me, I won't bite. Chances are, I won't even give a damn about you. Or maybe this is it: that people are actually looking for friend, even among strangers, even for a short ride in the morning to their workplaces and I don't look like a friend. I believe I don't look threatening in any way, but somehow I may have the feeling of someone 'off-place'. I am a perfectly safe companion.

Next time you see this young lady with light skin, short redish hair wearing sunglasses in the bus, sit beside her. She won't bite. I promise.

Have a good day....

Laugh your heart out

Laughter, the best medicine? I don't know but it sure makes a difference. Really. Imagine this: you're stressed out at work, deadline looming, bills waiting to be settled while there's not enough balance in your account. Life seems so gloomy. And then you overheard a colleague telling a story, a joke, whatever, that jabs you right in the nerve and makes you crack with laughter..... Afterward, guaranteed, life doesn't seem so gray anymore. Colors look better, brighter, yet nicer. Oh, yes, the problems don't go away. But the way you look at them may be different - and seeing differently sometimes leads to finding a solution.
So laugh your heart out. When in blues, don't submerge yourself.... find someone or something that could make you laugh your heart out....and that little smile that lingers on the corner of your mouth will make you feel better.
At least that works for me. Hope that'll work for you, too.
Take care....

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Disewakan: dua anak kembar wanita, usia 3 tahun, kreatif dan banyak omong. Diutamakan saat weekend atau liburan. Baik untuk melatih kesabaran.
Berminat? Hubungi: 0816 dst dsst.

HAHA......

Sapobi

The name Sapobi was taken out of a comic book about American Indians I read many years ago. It literally means 'rambut jagung' and this smart, independent, strong young woman was given the name because her hair, unlike most Indians, are not blue-black but has red hue. I like the way the name sounds and I like the character also.

New to the game

Hi there. This is my first entry - I am so very new to the game. Just want to share my thoughts, mostly. Hope you find something in here that ticks you (either a smile, a frown, a skipped heartbeat, or... whatever).