Funny feeling

Yesterday was my birthday. Older, none the wiser.

I spent yesterday horizontal. My Rania was ill, having a high fever and cough, and threw up several times. She wouldn’t let me out of her side. Pretty nauseating, spending the day in that position: lying but not able to really sleep. I’ve been sleep deprived for two nights now. Queasy indeed.

And I am feeling weird. It’s already four days past my period date. My periods are like clockworks, I never missed them more than 2 days. Oh, I missed one for several days, that before I left to Sweden. Too anxious, I guess. This time, what gets me so anxious? Now I AM anxious. Counting the days. Waiting. Hoping.

It’s not that I don’t want to, but I don’t really expect too, either. If it is, then it is. I already have 3 kids: a seven-years old and two three-years old. To have the fourth would mean… well…..

Que sera sera. If it has to be, it has to be. I just have to manage my feelings and emotion for that.