You've seen my list of things I wanna do (before I die).
Now, here are some things that annoy me:
- people who cut in me queue
- people who doesn't say 'excuse me' after bumping me
- people who just stand there staring at me while what they really want to say is "could you move aside, please? we want to get thru" Couldn't they speak or what?
- people who stop dead at the bottom (or top) of stairs, having reunion with their friends, or whatever it is they talk about
- my temper
- people who talk windingly, never get to the point
- cashier / shop assistants who talk to each other while I was infront of them trying to pay / make purchase
- rules being broken and nothing is done about it
- broken promise
- lies
Monday, January 31
Tennis, anyone?
I am no big fan of tennis. But watching the just-concluded Australian Open, I couldn't help but marvel at those men. What power they have!
I liked especially the battle between Hewitt and Nalbandian. It should've been better ended with a flip of a coin, I guess, if it was only about to have a winner.
The final was nice, though not particularly heart-wrecking (unless, of course, I were an Australian). Hewitt lost in the end. To the young, big, tall Safin. Just browsed about him, he's a Tartar. No wonder he doesn't look "white Russian" (my idea of white Russian is someone like Putin).
But it's funny how they use 'love' to say 'zero'. Only in tennis does love mean nothing.
I liked especially the battle between Hewitt and Nalbandian. It should've been better ended with a flip of a coin, I guess, if it was only about to have a winner.
The final was nice, though not particularly heart-wrecking (unless, of course, I were an Australian). Hewitt lost in the end. To the young, big, tall Safin. Just browsed about him, he's a Tartar. No wonder he doesn't look "white Russian" (my idea of white Russian is someone like Putin).
But it's funny how they use 'love' to say 'zero'. Only in tennis does love mean nothing.
Friday, January 28
Life?
Ennggggg…
Okay, I don’t have specific topic to write today. My body doesn’t feel quite right, my eyes are heavy, my tummy feels heavy, too.
It’s my colleague’s birthday today, he who was born a decade after me. Makes me feel rather old, it does.
But to think of it, I was even younger than him when I first joined the workforce. It doesn’t feel like more than a decade has passed. I still remember a few things about my first work. Anyway, this is only my second one, the one that have been my source of income (and joy, and sorrow, and several outbursts, and a lot of other things). This year will mark the 10th anniversary of my employment.
And what have I accomplished? A lot, and yet not much. Depends on how you look at it. Career wise, so so. Life wise? Quite a lot.
I feel like I am a different person I am today than I was 10 years ago. In my mind, my heart. Still going on changing, though. It won’t stop until my life stops, I guess.
That’s all for today. Have a nice weekend.
Okay, I don’t have specific topic to write today. My body doesn’t feel quite right, my eyes are heavy, my tummy feels heavy, too.
It’s my colleague’s birthday today, he who was born a decade after me. Makes me feel rather old, it does.
But to think of it, I was even younger than him when I first joined the workforce. It doesn’t feel like more than a decade has passed. I still remember a few things about my first work. Anyway, this is only my second one, the one that have been my source of income (and joy, and sorrow, and several outbursts, and a lot of other things). This year will mark the 10th anniversary of my employment.
And what have I accomplished? A lot, and yet not much. Depends on how you look at it. Career wise, so so. Life wise? Quite a lot.
I feel like I am a different person I am today than I was 10 years ago. In my mind, my heart. Still going on changing, though. It won’t stop until my life stops, I guess.
That’s all for today. Have a nice weekend.
Thursday, January 27
Burger
I ate burger for lunch yesterday. Just got that craving. It’s been a long friendship, me and burger.
It started at home. My mother, who, when cooking, liked to cook Western food more than Asian food (too complicated and messy), put burger, hotdog, chilly con carne, French fries, spaghetti, cream soup, macaroni schootel and even tacos as our daily menu. Bread was our daily breakfast (it is till now). When my father was away, of course. When he was home, we had those traditional sayur asem komplit, rawon komplit, gado2 or pecel komplit, nasi goring for breakfast. He had enough of Western food being an international flight pilot.
Biting into nice home-made burger brings back some of the memory of childhood. And also Bali. How come Bali? ‘Cause when we were there, we always ordered burger, either with cheese or not. And vanilla ice cream for me (mostly chocolate for my bros). Orders signed by my brothers. A surprise bill awaited my mother afterwards. You know how kids were: always hungry, especially after a good swim.
I am yet to taste a real nice ‘home made’ burger again. The one in THAT fast-food chain has the mass-production taste on it. Feels like the beef has been thawed a year ago, and the veggie chopped two months ago. Stale. Waste of money (better have a nice bowl of bakso instead). The one in Wendy’s is better. Though the beef is slim, the veggie at least is fresh. And nice plump bun, not one that seems like it has been run over by a truck.
My next craving is: Tempura Udon. Stay tuned!
It started at home. My mother, who, when cooking, liked to cook Western food more than Asian food (too complicated and messy), put burger, hotdog, chilly con carne, French fries, spaghetti, cream soup, macaroni schootel and even tacos as our daily menu. Bread was our daily breakfast (it is till now). When my father was away, of course. When he was home, we had those traditional sayur asem komplit, rawon komplit, gado2 or pecel komplit, nasi goring for breakfast. He had enough of Western food being an international flight pilot.
Biting into nice home-made burger brings back some of the memory of childhood. And also Bali. How come Bali? ‘Cause when we were there, we always ordered burger, either with cheese or not. And vanilla ice cream for me (mostly chocolate for my bros). Orders signed by my brothers. A surprise bill awaited my mother afterwards. You know how kids were: always hungry, especially after a good swim.
I am yet to taste a real nice ‘home made’ burger again. The one in THAT fast-food chain has the mass-production taste on it. Feels like the beef has been thawed a year ago, and the veggie chopped two months ago. Stale. Waste of money (better have a nice bowl of bakso instead). The one in Wendy’s is better. Though the beef is slim, the veggie at least is fresh. And nice plump bun, not one that seems like it has been run over by a truck.
My next craving is: Tempura Udon. Stay tuned!
Wednesday, January 26
A woman I am
Am gonna talk of what I feel of being a woman. I am proud and thankful to be one.
That one sentence took a long time to register in me. For years I hated to be a woman. I hated what society imposed on me. I refused the values attached to me as one. I never made myself beautiful. I never celebrated my womanhood. I cursed at the step that made me a woman: puberty and menstruation. I scoffed at those who put effort to their looks and parading their sensuality.
Then marriage came. Even if mine is based more on partership than on 'classic' model, the feeling that I am the feminine one cannot be escaped. I AM the feminine one. And that label comes with lots other revelations as well. Reproductively speaking, no matter how level you are in gender issue, a man is a man and woman a woman.
Then came pregnancy. I couldn't help marvel at the miracle of it. To have a living being growing inside, to feel it, to actually give it life..... my life was her life. My blood was her blood. The sound of my heart beating was what she heard. It was like an enlightment.
Being a woman is not just being a woman. It's a miracle in being. I dont' think I can put it correctly in words. There's a power within of being one. May I say divine? 'Course, that power comes with enormous responsibility. But I'll talk about that later.
At this moment in my life, I celebrate myself for what I am: a woman.
That one sentence took a long time to register in me. For years I hated to be a woman. I hated what society imposed on me. I refused the values attached to me as one. I never made myself beautiful. I never celebrated my womanhood. I cursed at the step that made me a woman: puberty and menstruation. I scoffed at those who put effort to their looks and parading their sensuality.
Then marriage came. Even if mine is based more on partership than on 'classic' model, the feeling that I am the feminine one cannot be escaped. I AM the feminine one. And that label comes with lots other revelations as well. Reproductively speaking, no matter how level you are in gender issue, a man is a man and woman a woman.
Then came pregnancy. I couldn't help marvel at the miracle of it. To have a living being growing inside, to feel it, to actually give it life..... my life was her life. My blood was her blood. The sound of my heart beating was what she heard. It was like an enlightment.
Being a woman is not just being a woman. It's a miracle in being. I dont' think I can put it correctly in words. There's a power within of being one. May I say divine? 'Course, that power comes with enormous responsibility. But I'll talk about that later.
At this moment in my life, I celebrate myself for what I am: a woman.
My daughter's first crush
My daughter is a big fan of Takeshi Castle game on TV. It's game from the last decade, but heck, it's enjoyable to the bone. Mega laugh!
She watches it everyday while she's on schoold holiday, every day on the weekends. At 2.30 sharp. Even refuses to go out with the family if it means skipping the show.
And for these past few days, she's been having papers with the 'General' in the show's name. Hayato Tani. Handsom one, he is. She keep one paper next to her when she goes to bed. To dream of him, she says. And everytime we say his name, she would cover her ear in a timid way only a girl in love would have.
She's not yet 8 - and now she has her first crush.
She watches it everyday while she's on schoold holiday, every day on the weekends. At 2.30 sharp. Even refuses to go out with the family if it means skipping the show.
And for these past few days, she's been having papers with the 'General' in the show's name. Hayato Tani. Handsom one, he is. She keep one paper next to her when she goes to bed. To dream of him, she says. And everytime we say his name, she would cover her ear in a timid way only a girl in love would have.
She's not yet 8 - and now she has her first crush.
Tuesday, January 25
Full moon last night
It was full moon last night. The sky was mostly clear, with patches of clouds after the rain. Stars were there.
We looked up the sky last night, me and my twins. Just before we came in again, a plane with its blinking light split the sky. We waved at it. Say goodnight to it.
It's always a beatiful sight, the full moon.
We looked up the sky last night, me and my twins. Just before we came in again, a plane with its blinking light split the sky. We waved at it. Say goodnight to it.
It's always a beatiful sight, the full moon.
Monday, January 24
Don't envy us
Don't envy us
as the seed you planted
grow inside
beating as we beat
thriving
Don't envy us
as the liquid of life
flow from our breasts
into the mouth
of your children
Don't envy us
as we are women
as the seed you planted
grow inside
beating as we beat
thriving
Don't envy us
as the liquid of life
flow from our breasts
into the mouth
of your children
Don't envy us
as we are women
History
History is written by those who hang the heroes.
So the opening line of Braveheart goes. I start to believe in the truth of that sentence.
For milleniums, human history were built on conquests: the conqueror and the conquered. The winner had all, the loser... depended on what the winner allowed them to do. Winning meant power. Power meant controlling all aspect of life of the loser, including beliefs, customs, languanges, everything.
Heroes were those who won. The other side were simply the enemies. One that was beaten and went in line as one of the 'heroes' trophies.
Some cultures were obliterated. Even if some other survived, the ways of that culture were probably never recorded because it were never given the permisison to go into history.
History written today on those forgotten life was based on very educated guess and available proof and legends or stories. There were some truth in legend, as there were some lies in history.
History written today on today's history are still written by those with the power. News as we know it never reveal the 100% of reality and fact. You can just read between the line the tone and the subjectiveness of the writer, and the hidden agenda. And those not deemed worthy of news will never made it into current history, just as the same as those conquered people. They are there, the events are there, the facts are there - but no one knows. So in a sense, they never happen.
In milleniums of human history, millions of events were there that went unknown. If what we are today are shaped of what we are in the previous time, then what we are today has lots of missing pieces in it.
So the opening line of Braveheart goes. I start to believe in the truth of that sentence.
For milleniums, human history were built on conquests: the conqueror and the conquered. The winner had all, the loser... depended on what the winner allowed them to do. Winning meant power. Power meant controlling all aspect of life of the loser, including beliefs, customs, languanges, everything.
Heroes were those who won. The other side were simply the enemies. One that was beaten and went in line as one of the 'heroes' trophies.
Some cultures were obliterated. Even if some other survived, the ways of that culture were probably never recorded because it were never given the permisison to go into history.
History written today on those forgotten life was based on very educated guess and available proof and legends or stories. There were some truth in legend, as there were some lies in history.
History written today on today's history are still written by those with the power. News as we know it never reveal the 100% of reality and fact. You can just read between the line the tone and the subjectiveness of the writer, and the hidden agenda. And those not deemed worthy of news will never made it into current history, just as the same as those conquered people. They are there, the events are there, the facts are there - but no one knows. So in a sense, they never happen.
In milleniums of human history, millions of events were there that went unknown. If what we are today are shaped of what we are in the previous time, then what we are today has lots of missing pieces in it.
Thursday, January 20
Divine jokes (?) - 2
Let's talk about sex. For reproductive purpose, that is.
At times I thought what a joke woman is. Albeit a divine one. I guess we can all agree that breasts are the number one sexual fascination both for women and men alike. The fact that they were firstly created as reproductive organ is generally swept to the back of our conscious. After all, the visual effect such creation brings to human mind and body is simply overwhelming and to be fully aware of their main function as the source of nutrition for babies is, well, rather a joke.
But yet, that's what they are: nutrition source. The woman mammal's job in the reproductive section of life is this: bearing offspring - normally one at a time, and nurse it. Nursing baby. THAT's the main reason for breasts.
Okay, males of the species, help me out here. What do you feel at that? To see your plaything changed into life nurturing device? Not to mention off limit for a certain period of time when it's doing its divine job.
And here's the punch line: nursing breasts are big. They can be enourmous, even. For women with AA-cup, we all know how we feel about engorged breast full of milk, don't we? What a spectacle. What a spectacle indeed.
Breasts, at their fullest (natural) size in a woman's life is off limit to her male counterpart. Because they're for the baby, not the daddy. Watch them, be fond of them, even amazed by them. But keep out of them, will ya!
At times I thought what a joke woman is. Albeit a divine one. I guess we can all agree that breasts are the number one sexual fascination both for women and men alike. The fact that they were firstly created as reproductive organ is generally swept to the back of our conscious. After all, the visual effect such creation brings to human mind and body is simply overwhelming and to be fully aware of their main function as the source of nutrition for babies is, well, rather a joke.
But yet, that's what they are: nutrition source. The woman mammal's job in the reproductive section of life is this: bearing offspring - normally one at a time, and nurse it. Nursing baby. THAT's the main reason for breasts.
Okay, males of the species, help me out here. What do you feel at that? To see your plaything changed into life nurturing device? Not to mention off limit for a certain period of time when it's doing its divine job.
And here's the punch line: nursing breasts are big. They can be enourmous, even. For women with AA-cup, we all know how we feel about engorged breast full of milk, don't we? What a spectacle. What a spectacle indeed.
Breasts, at their fullest (natural) size in a woman's life is off limit to her male counterpart. Because they're for the baby, not the daddy. Watch them, be fond of them, even amazed by them. But keep out of them, will ya!
Picture of my hubby
I've been staring for minutes at my hubby's picture. The date caption stated: 18 02 03. February. In Malmoe. Pilsdamparken Malmoe. Snow behind him. Beneath him. The yellow glow of afternoon lights from the city's buildings far away as his background.
He was naked to the waist. A six-packer at that time. Taut body. Cropped hair. Little smile (bearing the cold, I guess?). Black leather necklace and silver pendant.
(Let's go home and cuddle)
He was naked to the waist. A six-packer at that time. Taut body. Cropped hair. Little smile (bearing the cold, I guess?). Black leather necklace and silver pendant.
(Let's go home and cuddle)
Surprise in a bite
I ran our of mayonaise for my egg sandwich this morning. Among the choices I had were thousand islands dressing, blue cheese dressing, american mustard, dijon mustard, and the ever classic tomato sauce. I thought thousand islands would taste funny with egg, so would blue cheese. And I'm a bit weary of tomato sauce. American mustard is best with hotdog, not egg. So I opted for Dijon mustard. A mistake.
I just taken a bite of that sandwich and something bit me back. That was the kick of the mustard. Okay, I've heard of some type of mustard that kicks you, but I was not aware it would be this one. Luckily, I have a sachet of tomato sauce stashed in my desk.
Some food really bite you back. One is the killer peanut my friend brought from her trip from Bangkok. Thanks to that undeciphered thai writings and its lost warning, we all got almost murdered when taking that bite of peanuts. It was wasabi-coated peanut. The wasabi. Ever heard of it? That's a Japanese equivalent of Jalapeno, perhaps. That peanut EXPLODES in your mouth. It gives you a sharp numbing sensation followed by a tingy surge into your nose. A trully wake-up call, unbeatable. Shocking therapy indeed.
Another is that innocent looking dried red szechuan chilli. Tempting. It, too, explodes. Find some in the yummy dish of chicken and 'mede' nut. Peppered with the chilli. A mistake to munch one, better leave if as adornment or simply seasoning.
As for the Jalapeno, I am yet to meet one.
Happy eating, friends.
I just taken a bite of that sandwich and something bit me back. That was the kick of the mustard. Okay, I've heard of some type of mustard that kicks you, but I was not aware it would be this one. Luckily, I have a sachet of tomato sauce stashed in my desk.
Some food really bite you back. One is the killer peanut my friend brought from her trip from Bangkok. Thanks to that undeciphered thai writings and its lost warning, we all got almost murdered when taking that bite of peanuts. It was wasabi-coated peanut. The wasabi. Ever heard of it? That's a Japanese equivalent of Jalapeno, perhaps. That peanut EXPLODES in your mouth. It gives you a sharp numbing sensation followed by a tingy surge into your nose. A trully wake-up call, unbeatable. Shocking therapy indeed.
Another is that innocent looking dried red szechuan chilli. Tempting. It, too, explodes. Find some in the yummy dish of chicken and 'mede' nut. Peppered with the chilli. A mistake to munch one, better leave if as adornment or simply seasoning.
As for the Jalapeno, I am yet to meet one.
Happy eating, friends.
Wednesday, January 19
Banjir and all that problems
Seperti biasa, kotaku ini kalo ujan banjir. Tahunan. TAHUNAN. Heran. Dan sampe sekarang gak ada pemecahannya. Heran. Tu gubernur kayanya ampun2an. Pejabat juga. Mobil mereka satu aja dijual, bisa buat mbetulin tanggul sepanjang sekian meter, mungkin. Tapi itu mah gak usah dibahas lagi. Sampe sakit gigi, rambut rontok, badan kudisan juga gak mempan.
Pokoke Jakarta banjir. Nyebelin, dan kesian juga orang2 yang hidup di daerah banjir.
Sakit atilah kl ngomongin problema kota. Itu aja buat aku yang hidup relatif damai tentram sejahtera. Gak taulah kalo orang2 yang hidup susah. Yang hepi aja susah di kota ini. Bis gak beres, gak ada mass transport yang bener, gak ada sistem yang bener, gak ada penegakan hukum yg bener, gak ada yang bener. Oh emang, segala ada. Tapi harus ada duitnya juga. Cantik di sebagian tempat dan amat sangat korengan di tempat lain.
jaguar and bajaj / bemo
highrises and slum
blue swimming pools and black stinky rivers
half a million rps dinner per plate and daily wages of ten thousands rps
oh.. you name it
buteg gw lah......
better go home, take a nap
Pokoke Jakarta banjir. Nyebelin, dan kesian juga orang2 yang hidup di daerah banjir.
Sakit atilah kl ngomongin problema kota. Itu aja buat aku yang hidup relatif damai tentram sejahtera. Gak taulah kalo orang2 yang hidup susah. Yang hepi aja susah di kota ini. Bis gak beres, gak ada mass transport yang bener, gak ada sistem yang bener, gak ada penegakan hukum yg bener, gak ada yang bener. Oh emang, segala ada. Tapi harus ada duitnya juga. Cantik di sebagian tempat dan amat sangat korengan di tempat lain.
jaguar and bajaj / bemo
highrises and slum
blue swimming pools and black stinky rivers
half a million rps dinner per plate and daily wages of ten thousands rps
oh.. you name it
buteg gw lah......
better go home, take a nap
Tuesday, January 18
It's raining this morning
Sudah hujan sejak semalam, hujan deras dengan suara jutaan titik air jatuh. Lucunya, hujan deras itu berjeda, dan aku jadi teringat salah satu permainan di "Takeshi Castle": Daruma jatuh. Seolah ada yang mengkomandoi hujan untuk hujan-hujan-hujan-hujan-hujan-berhenti! Deras-deras-deras-deras-deras-berhenti!
Untuk orang yang menyenangi hujan dalam segala bentuk dan suaranya, aku hepi2 aja hari ini hujan. Tapi, hehe, kasian temen2 yang naek motor, naek bis, naek ojeg dll. Buasahhhh!
Biarlah. Hidup bermacam warna dan sensasi kan? Sekarang di luar sana dunia abu2 dan basah dan dingin. Dan seperti banyak hal dalam hidup juga, ketika ada yang dirugikan juga pasti ada yang diuntungkan dengan hujan.
Selamat pagi semua. Dan selamat menikmati hidup hari ini.
Untuk orang yang menyenangi hujan dalam segala bentuk dan suaranya, aku hepi2 aja hari ini hujan. Tapi, hehe, kasian temen2 yang naek motor, naek bis, naek ojeg dll. Buasahhhh!
Biarlah. Hidup bermacam warna dan sensasi kan? Sekarang di luar sana dunia abu2 dan basah dan dingin. Dan seperti banyak hal dalam hidup juga, ketika ada yang dirugikan juga pasti ada yang diuntungkan dengan hujan.
Selamat pagi semua. Dan selamat menikmati hidup hari ini.
Monday, January 17
Pregnancy update
I am now in my 15 weeks gestation. The baby's kicking well, the mommy is kicking not very well (still have nausea, still have to rest a lot, and still have that taut feeling on my right lower abdomen). I have to drink a lot 'cause there's too little water in my sac. I got spotting again last Saturday - but the doctor said it was not serious.
That's all. Oh, we brought our twins to see the USG monitor. Thrilled them alright!
That's all. Oh, we brought our twins to see the USG monitor. Thrilled them alright!
Friday, January 14
Divine jokes (?)
The world of male and female is not a simple one. Especially in human, when the biological evolution has made human in such an advanced state that sex is no longer simply to copulate and populate. And in it complexity also that the male species of human is bigger than the female, suggesting that male is the stronger half.
It ain't always so in the animal world. For the sake of ensuring the continuity of the species, thru population, some males serves the only purpose of making sure that reproductive process is running. I just read in NatGeo Feb04 edition that a kind of seaworm devouring whale fall first found to be all female. Where were the males? They were eventually found living inside the female tube, living on the female' eggyolk, giving sperm. They'd die when they run out of yolk.
Female praying mantis devours its mate after copulation, and keeps him for her meal during pregnancy.
The black widow is operating about the same way: keeping the male as snack she munches along.
Angler fish, the monstrous angler fish (just in case you wonder how an angler fish looks like, watch Finding Nemo. It's that scary, long-teeth fish Nemo and Dori find at the bottom of the sea when it's dark and they saw this beautiful light), its male is so small and soon perishes leaving only testacles attached to the female.
But oh how things are so different in the human world. Sets of rules, mores, concensus, have made male the stronger and more powerful half. But reproductively speaking, are they?
(to be continued)
It ain't always so in the animal world. For the sake of ensuring the continuity of the species, thru population, some males serves the only purpose of making sure that reproductive process is running. I just read in NatGeo Feb04 edition that a kind of seaworm devouring whale fall first found to be all female. Where were the males? They were eventually found living inside the female tube, living on the female' eggyolk, giving sperm. They'd die when they run out of yolk.
Female praying mantis devours its mate after copulation, and keeps him for her meal during pregnancy.
The black widow is operating about the same way: keeping the male as snack she munches along.
Angler fish, the monstrous angler fish (just in case you wonder how an angler fish looks like, watch Finding Nemo. It's that scary, long-teeth fish Nemo and Dori find at the bottom of the sea when it's dark and they saw this beautiful light), its male is so small and soon perishes leaving only testacles attached to the female.
But oh how things are so different in the human world. Sets of rules, mores, concensus, have made male the stronger and more powerful half. But reproductively speaking, are they?
(to be continued)
Thursday, January 13
- sigh -
they will put on their party dresses tonight
eating at a fancy dinner
entertained with music and all
but i won't be
they will dance afterwards
losing theirselves to the beat
moving and bursting with energy
but i won't be
they will wake up with headache tomorrow
residue of lack of sleep
and go on to take that tour
but i won't be
eating at a fancy dinner
entertained with music and all
but i won't be
they will dance afterwards
losing theirselves to the beat
moving and bursting with energy
but i won't be
they will wake up with headache tomorrow
residue of lack of sleep
and go on to take that tour
but i won't be
Perpetual state of messiness
That what my working desk is. I just finished tidying the file up, mind you, a job that took hours. And voila! The stack was reduced, allright, to about half of its size. But that's all. No sense of a new look, no sense of 'just been tidied up', no sense of cleanliness or orderliness whatsoever.
Perhaps it mirrors the owner: just as random, as messy, and 'deviated'. I wonder what a psychologist would think of me and my desk (and my room at home, for that matter).
Once, my eldest brother, being asked by his friend whether he had a little sister or not, answered this: nope, I don't. I have a little pirate, though. He illustrated my room at that time as "a ship just wrecked by pirate".
That's just how I like it, if only with a bit of clearer 'classification of mess' of the things lying around. (My poor dear husband is already given up on me and my mess. Has taken it as something that he just have to live with, I guess.)
On the other tip of the scale, there are people who keeps his desk so spotless and tidy is eerie. I call them 'neat freak'. No offense, but in my very personal opinion, you can't be in your right mind to have such desk. No stray of paper, no misplaced paper clips, sharp pencil and pens in their correct place. Geez..... the world according to them must have trees of the same height planted with exactly the same space between them. Like I said: eerie. Perpetual state of correctness - that's one world I don't want to live in.
But again, everybody is entitled to have his own way of living, don't they? I don't have to like it or even agree with it, but I will give them space nonetheless.
Don't you think a world will be such a beautiful place if people could do just that: give other people space and let them be?
Me and my perpetual state of messiness - take it, or leave it.
Perhaps it mirrors the owner: just as random, as messy, and 'deviated'. I wonder what a psychologist would think of me and my desk (and my room at home, for that matter).
Once, my eldest brother, being asked by his friend whether he had a little sister or not, answered this: nope, I don't. I have a little pirate, though. He illustrated my room at that time as "a ship just wrecked by pirate".
That's just how I like it, if only with a bit of clearer 'classification of mess' of the things lying around. (My poor dear husband is already given up on me and my mess. Has taken it as something that he just have to live with, I guess.)
On the other tip of the scale, there are people who keeps his desk so spotless and tidy is eerie. I call them 'neat freak'. No offense, but in my very personal opinion, you can't be in your right mind to have such desk. No stray of paper, no misplaced paper clips, sharp pencil and pens in their correct place. Geez..... the world according to them must have trees of the same height planted with exactly the same space between them. Like I said: eerie. Perpetual state of correctness - that's one world I don't want to live in.
But again, everybody is entitled to have his own way of living, don't they? I don't have to like it or even agree with it, but I will give them space nonetheless.
Don't you think a world will be such a beautiful place if people could do just that: give other people space and let them be?
Me and my perpetual state of messiness - take it, or leave it.
Envy
Envy is a dangerous feeling. It's dark, seeps slowly, and leaves a coldness in your heart. Well, you may not agree with me, but that's what I feel.
Envy is when you want something real bad and cannot have it but others have it instead. Envy is wanting things you can't have or shouldn't have.
Where does it come from? From not counting my blessings enough.
So remind me to do just that: stop, and count my blessings. Because I have a lot already. And wanting more wouldn't do anything good.
(Will I ever reach that enlightened state of not wanting anything anymore and be content with what I have already had? To savour every grain, every second, and be thankful for it?)
Envy is when you want something real bad and cannot have it but others have it instead. Envy is wanting things you can't have or shouldn't have.
Where does it come from? From not counting my blessings enough.
So remind me to do just that: stop, and count my blessings. Because I have a lot already. And wanting more wouldn't do anything good.
(Will I ever reach that enlightened state of not wanting anything anymore and be content with what I have already had? To savour every grain, every second, and be thankful for it?)
Contagious (the uniqueness of words)
Ever noticed that the way you talk, or the words you use, are contagious? Say you have quite close friends, those you talk to regularly for hours on end almost everyday. Just look, pretty soon you'll be using the same words.
A closer look would reveal that it happens only if you're pretty close together, in a sense that you are buddies. If not, well, it won't catch.
In a chat situation, when you don't see the person you talk to, you can identify him/her by the words, or the way that person's typing the words.
I have a friend who alwasy types "iyya" for ya. And some other unique ways of typing ordinary words. Some others have unique buzz word, so I know it's her even when she's using other identity.
Guess if you are a regular reader of this blog, you'll find my 'passwords' too.
Have a nice life, dear friends.
A closer look would reveal that it happens only if you're pretty close together, in a sense that you are buddies. If not, well, it won't catch.
In a chat situation, when you don't see the person you talk to, you can identify him/her by the words, or the way that person's typing the words.
I have a friend who alwasy types "iyya" for ya. And some other unique ways of typing ordinary words. Some others have unique buzz word, so I know it's her even when she's using other identity.
Guess if you are a regular reader of this blog, you'll find my 'passwords' too.
Have a nice life, dear friends.
Wednesday, January 12
Lullaby
Something is wrong with this office.
These past days (or is it even weeks?), I found myself so sleepy all the time. The whole time. I've turned on 'beat' music, walked around, drew pictures, even seriously dip myself in works - nothing has helped.
And I am now already sleepy again. It's not yet 9 in the morning; 4pm is still gazillions seconds away. Gosh....
(I wish I was away in a plane to Bali, not for the meeting, but for dipping into the swimming pool and burn myself under the sun. Paint my nails, put temporary tattoo on my back, walk around with bikini top or backless sun dress, wearing sandals or even barefoot, play on the beach, look at coconut trees framing the sky, parasailing, go out to sea, stare at the sun setting down, stare at the sky with moon and stars, listen to the sound of the waves, feel the wind, feel the sand, let my mind goes blank.)
These past days (or is it even weeks?), I found myself so sleepy all the time. The whole time. I've turned on 'beat' music, walked around, drew pictures, even seriously dip myself in works - nothing has helped.
And I am now already sleepy again. It's not yet 9 in the morning; 4pm is still gazillions seconds away. Gosh....
(I wish I was away in a plane to Bali, not for the meeting, but for dipping into the swimming pool and burn myself under the sun. Paint my nails, put temporary tattoo on my back, walk around with bikini top or backless sun dress, wearing sandals or even barefoot, play on the beach, look at coconut trees framing the sky, parasailing, go out to sea, stare at the sun setting down, stare at the sky with moon and stars, listen to the sound of the waves, feel the wind, feel the sand, let my mind goes blank.)
Tuesday, January 11
Why am I so interested in madness?
Iya, kenapa? Salah satu buku favorit aku adalah Veronika Decides to Die. Ia masuk rumah sakit jiwa karena mencoba bunuh diri. Dan di buku itu aku bisa baca ttg 'normal' dan 'gila'.
Cerita lain yang aku suka banget adalah Diary of A Madman. Tragis.
Otak manusia itu menakjubkan, kan? Apalagi otak yang 'sakit'. Orang sizofren melihat benda yang gak ada senyata orang normal melihat benda yang benar2 nyata. Setidaknya respon otaknya sama. BTW, dari mana kita tahu yg kita liat itu nyata / enggak? Karena 99 dari 100 orang juga liat? Dan maka hal itu jadi kenyataan? Gimana kalo ternyata yang bener yang 1 orang, dan bukan yang 99? Padahal nilai normal berarti sesuatu yang berlaku umum, konsensus, yang terus jadi nilai. Maka yang 99 yang salah itu normal (=benar) dan yang 1 yang benar itu abnormal (=salah).
Aku pernah, waktu SD, jadi satu2nya orang di antara sekitar 40 yang menjawab "TIDAK" ketika yang lain berkata "YA". Pertanyaannya adalah ini, diajukan oleh guru IPA-ku, "apakah gula hilang ketika kita aduk di dalam air?". Okay, pengalaman itu bener2 menyeramkan. Satu suara, tenggelam di antara konformitas. Dan parahnya lagi, waktu itu aku duduk di belakang, dan aku harus TERIAK untuk menyampaikan pendapatku yang satu2nya itu. Dan teriakanku makin lama makin lemah, dan aku makin ragu, tapi gak (belum) sampe berubah. And you know what? AKU YANG BENAR. 1/40. Abnormal, tapi benar.
Back to madness. Ketika nilai normal ditentukan dari mayoritas, dan bukan kebenaran mutlak, siapa yang gila dan siapa yang bukan?
Dalam hidup kamu harus konform, katanya. Dan memang sepertinya begitu. Orang2 yang pintar bergaul itu bisa mengambil (adopt) nilai2 normal dan terus jadi dirinya sendiri (mungkin). Aku gak begitu. Sampe hari ini, aku masih jadi 1/40. Gilakah? Atau justru yang benar?
Cerita lain yang aku suka banget adalah Diary of A Madman. Tragis.
Otak manusia itu menakjubkan, kan? Apalagi otak yang 'sakit'. Orang sizofren melihat benda yang gak ada senyata orang normal melihat benda yang benar2 nyata. Setidaknya respon otaknya sama. BTW, dari mana kita tahu yg kita liat itu nyata / enggak? Karena 99 dari 100 orang juga liat? Dan maka hal itu jadi kenyataan? Gimana kalo ternyata yang bener yang 1 orang, dan bukan yang 99? Padahal nilai normal berarti sesuatu yang berlaku umum, konsensus, yang terus jadi nilai. Maka yang 99 yang salah itu normal (=benar) dan yang 1 yang benar itu abnormal (=salah).
Aku pernah, waktu SD, jadi satu2nya orang di antara sekitar 40 yang menjawab "TIDAK" ketika yang lain berkata "YA". Pertanyaannya adalah ini, diajukan oleh guru IPA-ku, "apakah gula hilang ketika kita aduk di dalam air?". Okay, pengalaman itu bener2 menyeramkan. Satu suara, tenggelam di antara konformitas. Dan parahnya lagi, waktu itu aku duduk di belakang, dan aku harus TERIAK untuk menyampaikan pendapatku yang satu2nya itu. Dan teriakanku makin lama makin lemah, dan aku makin ragu, tapi gak (belum) sampe berubah. And you know what? AKU YANG BENAR. 1/40. Abnormal, tapi benar.
Back to madness. Ketika nilai normal ditentukan dari mayoritas, dan bukan kebenaran mutlak, siapa yang gila dan siapa yang bukan?
Dalam hidup kamu harus konform, katanya. Dan memang sepertinya begitu. Orang2 yang pintar bergaul itu bisa mengambil (adopt) nilai2 normal dan terus jadi dirinya sendiri (mungkin). Aku gak begitu. Sampe hari ini, aku masih jadi 1/40. Gilakah? Atau justru yang benar?
Monday, January 10
dim sum
So, I had a date with my hubby this lunch. Eating dim sum. Nice chinese resto next to my office. PERFECTO!
Few things feels more than a perfect meal with a perfect companion.
Thanks for the time, Ki! Luv ya!
Few things feels more than a perfect meal with a perfect companion.
Thanks for the time, Ki! Luv ya!
Thursday, January 6
The bubble I live in
I live in a bubble
That lets me see things around me
Without really touching nor experiencing
I live a protected live
What do I know of hurt, disaster and loss?
That lets me see things around me
Without really touching nor experiencing
I live a protected live
What do I know of hurt, disaster and loss?
Wednesday, January 5
No idea for today
Okay, this is a rather rare situation, but I am at loss of idea of what to write. Perhaps it has something to do with being pregnant. I read somewhere that the volume of woman's brain is shrinking a bit when she's pregnant. Not a pretty knowledge, eih? Perhaps then it explains the increasing incidences of absent-mindedness and 'slow-to-respond'ness I am experiencing. By the way, I am always absent minded anyway - pregnant or not.
What's happening to me nowadays is this: munching all the time throught the day, from breakfast time to afternoon. Then nausea in the evening, and stop eating by 7pm. Eat beyond that hour, and guaranteed I'll be throwing up and having troube sleeping due to stomach discomfort.
Oh, I am no longer so pukey, thanks God. Just in the evening, starting at dusk. Well, as long as nobodody is frying anything or cooking with garlic. I HATE garlic. I would painstakingly pick out every slice of garlic I can identify from my food.
I don't have craving, so far. But for several times now I've been dreaming of a nice meal of dim sum at a nice chinese restaurant. A bit on the expensive side, perhaps. But truly delicious, of course. Once I am feeling quite normal again, I'll attack the dimsum. Just watch me.
Well, that's all for no idea for today.
What's happening to me nowadays is this: munching all the time throught the day, from breakfast time to afternoon. Then nausea in the evening, and stop eating by 7pm. Eat beyond that hour, and guaranteed I'll be throwing up and having troube sleeping due to stomach discomfort.
Oh, I am no longer so pukey, thanks God. Just in the evening, starting at dusk. Well, as long as nobodody is frying anything or cooking with garlic. I HATE garlic. I would painstakingly pick out every slice of garlic I can identify from my food.
I don't have craving, so far. But for several times now I've been dreaming of a nice meal of dim sum at a nice chinese restaurant. A bit on the expensive side, perhaps. But truly delicious, of course. Once I am feeling quite normal again, I'll attack the dimsum. Just watch me.
Well, that's all for no idea for today.
Tuesday, January 4
Parallel universe - a chance for another life
If given the chance to live in a parallel universe, where you are you but you have different life, what would you have?
Would you opt for a different lover / husband? Different work? More kids or less? What life would you prefer to have apart from this one?
At this second today, this is the very life I want. I am very fortunate to be able to say that I am content with what I have, what I am. Life has been good to me. Love has been good to me.
I am an ordinary person, living an ordinary life, with ordinary living. But yet I am distinct. As you are. Everybody is.
Given the chance of a parallel live, well.. I don't know. This is the only life I know, and I like it. There are some instances in this life that I would like to change, but not the life itself.
Would you opt for a different lover / husband? Different work? More kids or less? What life would you prefer to have apart from this one?
At this second today, this is the very life I want. I am very fortunate to be able to say that I am content with what I have, what I am. Life has been good to me. Love has been good to me.
I am an ordinary person, living an ordinary life, with ordinary living. But yet I am distinct. As you are. Everybody is.
Given the chance of a parallel live, well.. I don't know. This is the only life I know, and I like it. There are some instances in this life that I would like to change, but not the life itself.
Monday, January 3
New day dawning
It's the first day of work in the year 2005. So, what's my resolution? Simple, and yet so daunting: NO MORE PUTTING OFF!
I am a chronic procastinator. My rule is (was, I mean it WAS): why bother doing it now if it can wait till tomorrow? Well, based on experience, the "tomorrow" sometimes held its suprises and bad things happened to the 'supposed to be done tomorrow' things.
Just that one resolution. Wish me luck (and strength).
I am a chronic procastinator. My rule is (was, I mean it WAS): why bother doing it now if it can wait till tomorrow? Well, based on experience, the "tomorrow" sometimes held its suprises and bad things happened to the 'supposed to be done tomorrow' things.
Just that one resolution. Wish me luck (and strength).
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