on being such on the margin of it all

sometimes i see myself as a square peg in a round hole.
maybe it is because of the way i was brought up.
i got 3 older brothers. no sister. so i was the odd man out.
i was the only daughter and also the youngest. that just amplified my oddness.
in the light of seeing things from the positive side, i'll change oddness to my UNIQUEness.

the singalurity of being me, albeit on the margin of it all.
by IT i meant the species we all refer to as woman.

i never quite understand the women's league.
them as a pack. they are quite scarry.

watched mars needs mom?
the women are regulated and stiff, while the men are the embodiment of freedom.
with the female group, to deviate means your death.

ever read the dynamics of a harem?
if it ever occured to them to join forces within themselves, the stud wouldn't have stand a chance.
instead, women there conspire against each others, trying to win the most attention, the highest status, et cetera. theye even killed their competitors. competitors? weren't they all victims? that was not how they see themselves. in a pack, there should be leader. leader got all the advantages and perks. advantages set you apart. advantages give you the power over the others. that's why instead of being there with all of the others, you just gotta be the leader. at all cost.

ever watched the pack of 'ibu2 dharma wanita'?
that's the scarriest of them all.
you, my reader, don't need explanation on that. faux leadership built on the spouse's position - used to the maximum to gain power and influences over other mere mortals. every steps must be in synch to the matriach, every gesture has to be approved by her. even dress code must be to the lady bosses taste. the words of the leader is the words of the pack. you don't want to be conspicuous in that sort of pack. you draw attention to yourself, you are excomunicated. only the leader shall stand out.

women as a pack got that power: to ruin. to cause discomfort. to instill fear. but perhaps, for those as the members, it also give them life support. you bring your loyalty, you got your safety net in the maze of social world.

i live on the margin of it all. i dont' belong to any pack. i am a singular being. it's kinda lonely sometimes. but then i have the freedom not to bow to anyone.

i've got enough of life support near me: my family. that's my pack. with them, i am no longer on the margin.