that (diminishing) fearlessness

people often see me as a confident person. they sometimes told me that i am such a fearless person.
yeah, i could look that way. what actually happens inside me is for me to keep.

my fearlessness comes from the simple consciousness that i have nothing to hide. well, most of the time i do not have anything to hide. a close friend of mine said once: you just put everything as it is. maybe i do.

strange thing is, now i realize that my fearlessness is getting smaller and smaller. it is getting easier and easier for me to feel intimidated. i wonder why.. coz basically i still have not much to hide.

perhaps it's like alice. madhatter said to her that 'she's lost his muchness'. maybe i've lost my muchness. or maybe i'm getting too old to be fearless anymore. world has gotten too complicated. things have gotten to complex. and people are getting harder and harder to decipher. i may have nothing, or almost nothing, to hide. but do they? it's hard to keep a straight line when everybody else is zigzagging.