a brave decision, and things that come from it (part 1)

hari ini pagi mendung. udara cukup dingin untuk ukuran jakarta, tapi tak cukup sejuk buat bikin badan jadi adem. supir tidak bisa mengantar diriku karena suamiku ke luar kota, dan si supir harus mengganti mengantar anak2 ke sekolah.

klo lagi manja, aku akan telpon pesan taxi pagi2 (seperti kemarin). hari ini, aku memilih gagah dan mau naik bis umum saja.

keputusan naik bis umum saja rupanya jadi bikin banyak topik bersliweran di benakku:
1 - ttg komplimen tadi malam dari dosen les "you look a bit too young to have four kids"
2 - jalan kaki, naik bis: seolah jadi pilihan yang bukan pilihan
3 - am I getting much too older or are they getting younger (re: supir metro mini)
4 - merdeka! dalam konteks anarki keseharian
5 - betapa jadi rakyat jakarta tuh pemenuhan hak2nya minim sekali

nah.. mulai dari mana?

oke, urut kacang saja.

No.1: you look a bit too young to have four kids.
ah! the beauty of those words never fail to lift up my spirit.
in those words, I see two compliments: 1 - that I look young, 2 - that I look swell enough for mom with four kids. my lovely hubby couldn't agree more. and he means it.
the thing with me is, i manage to see the 'dark' side of almost everything, though i immediately try to counter balance it with finding the 'light' thing about it. (gosh... i started writing in english without realizing it!). so, with the 'i look so young' thing, i see that as looking young or looking childish? you see, some time ago someone told people, when he was asked about how i was, that 'she's like a big kid. she talks to people as it is, no matter who they are'. that, too, i took as a compliment. see how truthful i was? but that coompliment came with some warning: big kid? was i so immature? perhaps i was. perhaps i still am. hence the above compliment.

being the youngest in a family perhaps left it marks on me. i tend to see me as the young one, even in the group of younger people. never occur to me to adopt the role of 'the elder'. never. ever. it is something that i need to switch on, after trying, no... groping (as in the dark) to find the switch. usually by the time i find it, someone else has taken over the role. and i, for the zillionth time, slip into the background. see.... no wonder i look young. i am young. maybe so wrongly so.

never mind.

part 2 to follow the next day.